


even when you hold my hand (i just feel alone, feel alone)

by hcjime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Minor Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-05-05 19:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14625783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hcjime/pseuds/hcjime
Summary: Tooru rolls around and leans on his elbow to look Hajime in the eye.“Who said we’re weird?” he asks, mouth compressed into a straight hard line.“No one,” Hajime says. Tooru continues staring at him with that look in his eye that he knows will get Hajime to stop hiding whatever it is he’s trying to hide. “My aunt,” Hajime confesses in a small, unsure voice. “She said we were getting too old to act the way we do. Y’know, that people would think we’re weird or something.”“Well,” Tooru says, smiling but not really, “we’re not weird. And you can tell your aunt to go fuck herself.”or :iwaizumi and oikawa grow up together.





	1. you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better)

**Author's Note:**

> title from sleepover, by hayley kiyoko

“Hey,” Hajime says one day as he and Tooru lie under the stars, hair damp with humidity and dew and their own sweat. “Do you think we’re weird?” Tooru stares at him, trying to gauge what he means and how serious of an answer he wants. In the end, he just sighs and grins.

“I think you’re weird, Iwa-chan,” he says, and the sparkle in his words falls a little flat despite his best efforts. “I’m just perfect. Why?”

“I don’t know,” Hajime says. He rubs his eyes. “Somebody - I don’t know. Never mind. You’re right; I’m weird.” Tooru rolls around and leans on his elbow to look Hajime in the eye.

“Who said we’re weird?” he asks, mouth compressed into a straight hard line.

“No one,” Hajime says. Tooru continues staring at him with that look in his eye that he knows will get Hajime to stop hiding whatever it is he’s trying to hide. “My aunt,” Hajime confesses in a small, unsure voice. “She said we were getting too old to act the way we do. Y’know, that people would think we’re weird or something.”

“Well,” Tooru says, smiling but not really, “we’re not weird. And you can tell your aunt to go fuck herself.”

“I’m not telling my _aunt_ to fuck herself, Shittykawa,” Hajime snaps, and soon they’re bickering about something stupid and forgettable and that’s the end of that.

♔

“Someone gave me a confession letter,” Hajime says offhandedly one day, and Tooru’s chest tightens. (It’s just because he doesn’t want to lose his best friend to some girl who probably just wants him for his abs anyway, he reassures himself. It’s not weird.) “She was cute. Gave me a bunch of chocolate with it, too.”

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru coos, pinching his cheeks. “You finally have a girlfriend; I thought you would never find love.” He sighs. “I guess people have to settle eventually.” Hajime shoves him backward, and the feeling of his hand burns on Tooru’s chest. He’s always run hot, intense metabolism and heavy diet resulting in the warmth of the sun.

“No one has to settle when they’re seventeen, dumbass,” he says, glowering. He ignores Tooru’s _I certainly don’t_ and continues. “And I don’t have a girlfriend. I said no.”

“What?” Tooru asks, sounding more off-guard than he means to. “Why?”

Hajime shrugs and glances at Tooru for half a moment before looking back at his phone. “I don’t like her like that.”

“But you said she was cute.”

“Being cute isn’t my only standard for entering a relationship, Trashykawa,” Hajime says with a scowl. “Not everyone’s as ridiculously shallow as you.”

“If a girl wants to date me, then I know her head’s in the right place,” Tooru says with a gleaming, hungry smile. He tilts his head back against Hajime’s shoulder, for some reason reveling in the way Hajime tenses for half a moment before relaxing again. “I’m not shallow. Just smart. You wouldn’t know the difference, though, would you?”

“Fuck off,” Hajime grumbles, but there’s no bite.

♔

Tooru likes to look at Hajime sometimes, more scientifically than anything else - the area between his jawline and his neck, the way his lips move when he’s speaking angrily or joyfully or sadly, the way his biceps and thighs tense up as he unconsciously flexes. He’s an objectively good looking person, no matter how much Tooru makes fun of him, so he’s fun to look at and that’s it. That’s all.

Sometimes Hajime catches him in the act, smiles like they’ve got some sort of secret between the two of them. “It’s rude to stare,” he says one time, and Tooru just sticks out his tongue.

“I’m trying to figure out just how much better looking I am,” he explains. “Right now, you’re about a six and a half, and I’m an eleven.”

“You’re such a brat.”

“Your favorite brat,” Tooru singsongs, and he grins when Hajime doesn’t correct him. “You’re my favorite brat too, Iwa-chan. Even if you’re four feet tall and have the personality of a dead squirrel.”

“I’m five centimeters shorter,” Hajime huffs. “That’s, like, nothing. And my personality is better than yours, anyway.”

Oikawa gasps. “You take that back. No one’s personality is better than mine.”

“I don’t know where you got this ego from. You were perfectly fine when you were a kid,” Hajime reminisces. “Where did that Assikawa go? I miss him.”

“I realized how amazing I was and how lucky anyone would be to be friends with me,” Tooru hums, but something hot and bitter rises in his throat. _I realized how to change myself so that people wouldn’t hate me anymore._

Hajime seems to realize, and he changes the subject. “Don’t stay up too late tonight,” he says, gruffly. “I know we have that match in a couple days but I swear I’ll break into your house and smash your laptop myself if you try watching their old videos again.”

“Okay, mom,” Tooru says, smiling sweetly. “Will do.” Hajime pauses for a moment before looking away immediately.

“Cool,” he mutters. “That’s cool.”

♔

Tooru’s neighbor comes out, and he’s kicked out of his home. “I didn’t know,” Tooru’s mom says when she hears about him, pulling an expression between disgust and heartbreak. “I didn’t know he was… like that.” She turns toward Tooru, looking worried. “I let you play with him when you were little, didn’t I? Did he,” she coughs, “try anything with you?”

If this were Hajime, Tooru might laugh and say something about how even though he’s irresistible, his neighbor had never expressed his feelings. If this were Hajime, he might seriously answer no, but Tooru had wanted him to, just a little bit in the back of his head. (No, he wouldn’t, because he didn’t want to, because that would be weird and Tooru’s not weird.)

It’s not Hajime, so Tooru just shakes his head. “He wasn’t - he’s not some sort of pervert,” he says, his voice cracking despite his best efforts. “He’s a nice kid.”

“Nice kids don’t turn out like that,” Tooru’s mother says, gently, as if Oikawa’s still some three year old boy who needs to understand why he shouldn’t talk to strangers.

He makes up some excuse about having to practice setting and sprints to Hajime’s house.

“Hey,” he says, roughly, quietly, as someone opens the door. Hajime looks almost shocked, but his eyes are warm and his cheeks are a little pink and his hair is messy from the nap he must have taken and Tooru feels like this is home, if only for a fleeting moment.

“You’re not wearing a coat,” he says. “You shouldn’t have ran here.”

“Can I come in?”

“I’m not gonna leave you in the fucking cold, Crappykawa, so yeah,” Hajime says with a laugh. He notices Tooru’s expression. “You okay?”

“Can I come in?” Tooru repeats, trying his hardest to keep his face blank.

“Yeah,” Hajime breathes. “Come in and tell me what happened.”

When Tooru finishes talking, they’re up in Hajime’s room. Tooru’s head rests on Hajime’s chest, and their legs are tangled together and for some reason he feels like his heart is falling to pieces. “If you see your neighbor,” Hajime says finally, carding his hands through Tooru’s hair, “tell him I’m sorry.”

“You don’t think it’s like… bad? To be like that?” Tooru asks.

“No,” Hajime says, a beat too quickly. His face flushes. “Do you?”

“No,” Tooru replies.

They fall asleep like that, Hajime leaning on his bedrest with Tooru nuzzling into him and stealing his warmth. When Hajime’s mother finds them, she just purses her lips and sighs before turning the lights off and leaving them be.

♔

“Hanamaki and Matsukawa are dating now,” Hajime says as Tooru enters the empty locker room. He startles - stumbles back.

“It’s late,” Tooru says. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you, Shittykawa,” Hajime snaps. “Did you hear what I said?” Tooru shrugs.

“I could see it happening for awhile now. Do their parents know?” he asks warily. Hajime nods with a smile that makes Tooru’s heart sing just a little bit before he tells himself to stop.

“They’re all okay with it,” he says, and then his smile slips off. “But there are people who want them off the team now. They’re saying the school doesn’t need that kind of reputation.” Tooru grits his teeth.

“Tell those people that it’s not their decision,” he says lightly with the brightest smile he can manage, “because they’re not the captain of the goddamn team, and I will be next year.” He sighs, packing his duffel roughly. “The nerve of people these days, honestly.”

“So you’re okay with that kind of thing,” Hajime says, and he sounds like he’s speaking for the first time in years. Tooru looks up - smiles genuinely this time.

“Of course, Iwa-chan. Haven’t we already had this conversation?”

Hajime takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair. “Yes. Yeah, we have. I’m an idiot, sorry.” He turns around to leave, but stops when Tooru calls his name.

“Drive me home?” he asks. “Coach dropped me off but he left because he said he didn’t have the same insane dedication to high school volleyball as me.” He preens.

“I don’t think that’s a compliment,” Hajime says, but he’s smiling again and Tooru’s job is done.

♔

When Tooru loses a match, he folds into himself, hiding it just enough so most of his teammates won’t notice and instead clap each other on the back, talking about how they’ll win next time for sure. Hajime isn’t most of his teammates, though, so he always quietly calls Tooru over to watch whatever sci-fi movie he wants, even though he hates all of them.

That’s what they’re doing now, watching something called _Timerider_ for the second time as Tooru lies on the floor and Hajime lies above him, on the couch. “This is a stupid movie,” Hajime says for the millionth time.

“You’re a stupid movie,” Tooru replies for the millionth time. Hajime exhales something that’s almost a laugh but not quite.

“Are you still dating that girl?” he asks after a moment. “I can’t even remember her name - Maiko, I think?”

“She dumped me,” Tooru says. “I didn’t really feel bad about it, though. Kinda saw it coming.” Hajime turns from the television and looks at Tooru, lips slightly parted.

“Why?” he asks.

Tooru shrugs. “She said I was too involved in volleyball, and…”

 _Seriously, sometimes it feels like Iwaizumi’s dating you and not me,_ she’d said with an eye roll. _I ask you out on dates and you can’t do it because you and him always hang out on weekdays and sometimes even weekends. You basically share a room, and I haven’t even been to your house yet._

 _Iwa-chan and I are best friends,_ Tooru had replied, and the words feel emptier every time he turns them over in his head. _That’s all._

Maki - not Maiko, but Hajime had gotten weirdly distant after Tooru started dating her anyway - had just shrugged. _If that’s what you want to believe, then sure._

“And?” Hajime prompts.

“And that she couldn’t deal with that anymore,” Tooru says hastily. “Watch the movie; this is where it gets good.”

“It never gets good,” Hajime sighs, but he turns back to the television anyway.

Somewhere along the way, gang wars and gunshots and a helicopter show up and it’s all too loud for Tooru and his sleep-fuzzy head to handle. “Turn down the volume,” he mumbles, but Hajime doesn’t hear him. “Iwa-chan,” he groans. “Turn down the volume.” Hajime still doesn’t move (it’s definitely to spite him, Tooru decides), so he leans over to grab the remote himself.

He loses balance and falls over, landing with an _oomph_ onto Hajime, who startles and grabs him. “Are you okay?” he asks, one arm curled around Tooru’s waist and the other looking like he’s unsure of where to put it. His breath fans over Tooru’s face, and his hands are ridiculously warm like they always are. Something else in the movie explodes, but the sound feels like it’s dimmed around them. He settles his other arm under Tooru’s own, intertwining their hands.

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru manages to croak, face flushed and eyes bright. He shifts a little, trying to make himself more comfortable.

Hajime shakes his head and shoves Tooru off roughly. “I have to uh, pee,” he blurts, and he runs into the bathroom, leaving Tooru wondering what the hell just happened.

♔

It’s one in the morning and Tooru’s staring at a dumb picture Hajime sent him hours ago. His tongue is partially sticking out as he rolls his eyes into the back of his head. _Volleyball is boring without you to make fun of,_ it reads. _Come back soon or I’ll kick the flu out of you._

 _iwa-chan~~~,_ Tooru had texted back right after. _i’m glad u miss me (✿´ ꒳ ` )._

Hajime had called, said, “I don’t miss you, Trashykawa; I miss your good passes,” and hung up before Tooru could manage an answer.

Hajime has good bone structure, Tooru remembers time and time again, and good eyebrows and good eyes and excellent arms. _You’re almost better looking than me_ , he’ll sometimes hum if he’s in a particularly good mood, and Hajime will always stare at him with a strange, terse look in his eye before laughing it off.

“Tooru?” his mom calls, and Tooru slams his phone onto his table like he’s hiding some big secret. _No, mom,_ he can imagine himself saying, _I’m not just staring at pictures of my best friend who you already think I have a weird relationship with; it’s just for science, don’t worry._

“I brought you soup,” she says, and Tooru lets the tension in his chest seep away. “You seem a little strange today; do you think your fever’s gone up?”

“No,” Tooru says, curling into his sweatshirt and burying his nose inside it. It smells like Hajime does, a strange mixture of wood and mint and cherry because Hajime borrowed it for a whole year before Tooru caught him wearing it and stole it back. “I should be good to go tomorrow, I think.” His mother clicks her tongue against her teeth.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” she says, feeling his forehead. “Your fever’s down for now, but I don’t know for how long.”

“Iwa-chan’ll send me back if I try to,” Tooru says, immediately regretting it when his mother’s expression darkens. Before she can lecture him about proper male friendships and avoiding the wrong type of man, he yawns. “Night, Mom. Love you.” She just looks back at him and shakes her head.

♔

“One year left,” Hajime says, and Tooru nods.

“One year left,” he echoes. They step onto the campus together. “We’re going to the same university after this is all done, so keep your grades up. And don’t lose focus on volleyball, either, because we’re crushing Ushiwaka this year. I’m going to make him cry.” Hajime eyes him warily.

“You have a terrible personality,” he says finally. Tooru grins.

“You love it,” he singsongs, and for once, Hajime doesn’t contradict him. “And I’m serious. Keep your grades up because I won’t survive college without you.”

“You won’t,” Hajime agrees. “Because no one else can tolerate Shittykawa without a regular dose of sanity.” Tooru sticks his tongue out, and he blushes slightly at how Hajime’s eyes flick toward his lips for half a moment - less than that.

“Lovebirds,” Matsukawa says, slinging an arm around Tooru.

“We’re not - ”

“You guys are more PDA than we are,” Hanamaki agrees, slinging his arm around Hajime in an identical fashion, “and we’re dating. It’s okay if you don’t want to come out yet.” He lowers his voice. “Volleyball drama last year and all.”

“Wait, you actually think we’re dating?” Tooru asks. Matsukawa stares at him blankly.

“Yeah,” he says after a moment. “Aren’t you?”

“No,” Tooru and Hajime snap at the same time, sending each other mildly panicked looks. “I’ve had so many girlfriends,” Tooru continues. “How could you think I’m gay? That I’m dating Iwa-chan, of all people?”

“We just assumed they were beards,” Hanamaki answers truthfully. Tooru splutters.

“I - why would I date him? He’s like my brother.” _My brother that I like to stare at for fun sometimes and who I kind of want to kiss, just a little._ He shakes his head. _No, I don’t want to kiss him, because I’m not like that._

“I should go,” Hajime says quietly, extricating himself from Tooru and Hanamaki’s grips. “See you guys later.”

“Wait, Iwa-chan, you have to walk me to class on the first day like you always do - ” Hajime’s almost sprinting down the hall now, and Tooru gazes at him confusedly. “Did I say something?”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki exchange glances. “We should go,” they say simultaneously, and they jog off after him.

The next time Tooru sees Hajime is at the end of the day, uncharacteristically late for anyone he shares three classes with, let alone his best friend. “Hey,” he says as Hajime tries to run out the door. “Iwa-chan, don’t move or I’ll come to your house and cry there until your mom yells at you. You know I will.” Hajime closes his eyes - turns around - faces Tooru.

“Hi,” he says, cautiously.

“Are we… okay?” Tooru asks after a moment. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry.” Hajime’s face scrunches up in that really cute way it does when he’s trying to think.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he replies. “I’m just being stupid. C’mon, we have practice starting tomorrow and you’re seriously out of practice. You don’t want the first years thinking they have a terrible player as a captain.” Tooru glowers.

“I’m never out of practice,” he snaps, “and you know that.” Hajime just grins.

“Do I?” he asks, and suddenly everything’s snapped back to normal and it’s good.

♔

Except it’s not good, because he falls asleep and dreams about Hajime crying because Tooru said something stupid and now they’re not friends anymore and Hajime makes the Olympic volleyball team and Tooru quits volleyball forever because he’s so heartbroken and he could never make it through college without Hajime anyway -

“Iwa-chan,” he wheezes through the phone.

“Whazza,” Hajime groans blearily. “It’s… three in the morning, man, please - ”

“Promise we’ll always be friends,” Tooru interrupts. “Please.”

“What?” Hajime asks. “Wait, where is this coming from?” Tooru can imagine him scratching the back of his neck, propping himself up in order to better understand what’s going on, and _god,_ he never wants to lose this.

“Just… please,” Tooru says quietly. “Promise we’ll be friends. Always. No matter what happens.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Hajime yawns.

“Say the words,” Tooru pleads.

“Okay,” Hajime says, his voice deeper and more serious. “Sure. I promise we’ll always be friends no matter what happens. Are we good now? Can I go back to sleep?”

Tooru falls back onto his bed. “Yeah,” he says. “Night, Iwa-chan. Love you.”

“Yeah,” Hajime says, sounding slightly strained. “Night, Trashykawa.” Tooru thinks he hears a rushed mumble of _love you too_ before Hajime hangs up, presumably by slamming the phone onto something like the barbarian he is. For some reason, the thought makes Tooru smile.

♔

“We lost,” Tooru moans into Hajime’s couch cushion. “Against Ushiwaka-chan _again_.” Hajime, for once, seems reasonably distressed at the loss as well, though he’s struggling not to show it.

“We still have spring tournament, though,” he tries, “and we kicked Karasuno’s asses. That’s got to be a little satisfying, right? I know how much you hate Kageyama.”

“Beating Tobio-chan was fun,” Tooru agrees reluctantly. “But I wanted to move up this time. We were,” he grabs at the air before letting his wrist fall limp, “so close. And we have the spring tournament, but that’s it and then college.” His lip trembles. “ _College,_ Iwa-chan.”

“College is good,” Hajime says gently. “We have more opportunities there anyway.” He sighs. “What movie are we watching today?”

“E.T.,” Tooru says stubbornly, getting up and crossing his legs and hoping if he folds into himself hard enough he’ll disappear and never have to face Ushiwaka and his stupid farming tips and graceful winning again. Hajime groans despite himself.

“It’s like the thirtieth time,” he argues, and Tooru glares.

“E.T.,” he repeats.

They settle in their usual positions - Tooru on the couch, Hajime on the floor, both gazing idly at the television but not really thinking about it at all. It’s gotten to the point where they’ve both entirely memorized the movie, leaving Hajime free to stare at the floor under it and think about whatever the hell he’s thinking about and Tooru free to stare at Hajime, the blue light washing out his skin and highlighting his ridiculously sharp jawline.

It doesn’t help that Tooru is mostly running on coffee and medication at this point, so his inhibitions are weird and his mouth sometimes says things he doesn’t want it to and -

“Iwa-chan,” he mumbles, and Hajime glances upward. “You’re pretty.”

_Shit._

Hajime coughs for half a minute before smiling awkwardly, and _shit,_ Tooru always ruins everything. Why does he always ruin everything? “You’re pretty too,” Hajime says quietly before turning back to the television and casting his eyes downward.

Tooru has never wanted to disappear more than he does at this moment.

♔

“I’m not buying your stupid milk bread,” Hajime says, pretending to be annoyed. Tooru just grins and leans against him.

“Please, Iwa-chan,” he practically begs. “I don’t have any money and I’m so hungry please please please - ”

“You’re so annoying,” Hajime mutters, picking up three prepackaged units of milk bread from the cafeteria line anyway. “Is this enough or do you want another seven as well?” Tooru pauses for a moment. “I’m not serious,” Hajime says hastily. “Don’t say seven more.”

“Weak,” Tooru says under his breath. Hajime elbows him.

“Broke,” he corrects, paying for the bread and giving it to Tooru. “I don’t know how you eat that stuff; it’s so gross.”

"You're gross," Tooru replies childishly, popping a piece in his mouth and beaming. Hajime's resulting smile is soft and kind of idiotic, but also a little adorable in a way only Hajime ever is.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he says, and Tooru starts talking just to annoy him. It's moments like these, he thinks, when Hajime's staring at him and his eyes are bright and his mouth is quirked up just a little, that Tooru realizes just how good of a fit they are. 

♔

“Shittykawa - why the hell are you here?” Hajime asks as Tooru practices his serves at midnight. He turns to Hajime, shrugging.

“Need to practice so we won’t get beaten by Shiratorizawa or,” he shudders, “Karasuno next time.” He bites his lip too hard, and his tooth pierces through his skin, causing it to start bleeding. “I can’t believe they’re a serious opponent now. Just because of Chibi-chan and Tobio-chan, it’s ridiculous. Tournament’s in three weeks, and I can’t miss a single serve and ruin things and let Tobio-chan be happy.”

“Stop conspiring to ruin Kageyama’s life,” Hajime reprimands. “And you’re not staying here this late. Let’s go home.”

Tooru shakes his head and blinks, almost falling asleep while he does. “Home’s not the best place right now, with my sister visiting and everything. Mom keeps yelling at her for having Takeru too young, like that was her choice.” He blows a strand of hair out of his face - serves again. It clears the net easily, perfectly knocking down the water bottle he has set up. He runs over and fixes it before heading back. “And anyway, he’s the best thing that happened to this family, so it doesn’t matter.” Hajime’s expression softens. “Don’t pity me,” Tooru says, serving again. This one misses by a centimeter. “Damn it!”

“I’m not pitying you,” Hajime says, and there’s a tenderness to his voice Tooru only ever seems to hear when he’s speaking to him. “Stop serving and come over to my house; Mom’ll be fine with it.”

“You think?” he asks, carefully. “Because I don’t want to impose - ”

“You always impose,” Hajime interrupts carelessly. “You practically live here. She won’t mind one more day. Let’s clean up and get out of here.”

It’s only after all the balls are picked up and the water bottle’s thrown out that Tooru realizes Hajime must have visited the school at midnight specifically to get him out. His chest tightens for a moment.

♔

“We lost,” Tooru says into the silence, shellshocked. “Against Karasuno.”

“The team will beat them next year, I’m sure,” Hajime says before glaring at the second and first years. “You’ll try your best, right?” They all nod, terrified.

“I’m not even upset,” Tooru confesses in a small voice as he and Hajime head home. “Tobio-chan’s a volleyball genius, and he has that crazy jumping spiker of his, and I’m not… naturally talented at this. It makes sense.” He fists his own hair. “It makes sense.”

“Hey,” Hajime says in a low voice. Tooru looks at him. “I’m your crazy jumping spiker, and it doesn’t matter if you’re not a volleyball genius. You got just as good anyway; that’s insane.” He smiles. “And we’re both going to go to the same university and get on the same team and you’ll be the best player there, too, so shut your dumb mouth.”

“I won’t be the best player there,” Tooru argues weakly. “I’d just be a freshman.”

Hajime looks at Tooru and grins with the sharps of his teeth. His eyes glimmer like a chef’s knife. “Kageyama’s just a first year, and you’re obsessed with him, so obviously it doesn’t matter.”

 _I want to kiss you,_ Tooru almost says, but Hajime’s started driving and he’s not weird and Tooru’s not weird and they’re just friends.

He feels better about the loss, but for some reason he can’t sleep much anyway.

♔

School’s ending in a week, and then they’ll be graduating and off to college. Tooru and Hajime got into most of the same colleges because of course they did, and now it’s just a matter of deciding where to go.

“The third Tokyo school is good,” Tooru hums, lying on his bed and letting his head hang off idly. “They have a really good volleyball team, too.” Hajime nods in assent.

“I like the one in Miyagi, though,” he says from the floor, spreading his legs and arms as far as he can, sweat covering every inch of his body. Tooru feels the need to glance at the ceiling and breathe for a few seconds. “Close to home. And Sugawara’s thinking of going there, and he’s really nice.”

“Refreshing-kun shouldn’t be the deciding factor of what school we choose to spend the next four years at, Iwa-chan,” Tooru reminds Hajime gently.

“Well, yeah, but I like it for other reasons, Shittykawa,” Hajime bites back. He grins. “The Tokyo school’s good, too, though, and if we make the team there, we’re set.”

“What if only one of us makes the team?” Tooru asks, and his stomach ties itself into knots at the thought of Hajime getting into one of the top university teams and him sitting on the sidelines, cheering, wishing he could be there.

“Then only one of us makes the team,” Hajime replies easily. “It shouldn’t affect anything.” He glances at Tooru. “We won’t let it affect anything. Right?”

“Right,” Tooru confirms, and there’s no reason to doubt his words, so he stops worrying about it.

♔

Graduation is nice. It’s a fairly small ceremony, and Tooru gives two speeches while Hajime pretends to be annoyed through both of them. ( _What I’ll never forget,_ Tooru had said, a little emotionally, _is the comradery shared by my team - how we were dedicated to each other as much as we were to volleyball._ Hajime’s face had betrayed a hint of genuine emotion then, a quiet parting of his lips and wipe of his eye.)

“We’re done,” Tooru says. They’re at Hajime’s house, formal clothing shed in favor of t-shirts and sweatpants. (Well. That’s what Tooru’s wearing. Hajime’s wearing a muscle tee and shorts that expose most of his thighs - _good thighs_ , Tooru thinks again - and he thinks this should be illegal.)

“College,” Hajime reminds him. “We have college.”

“Yeah, but like… Aoba Johsai is done. Forever. We’re closing that chapter of our lives; how is that not bothering you?”

Hajime just grins, a little crookedly, and maybe it’s the sentimentality of the occasion or something else that gets him, but he says, “I still have you in my next chapter, so I’m okay.”

Tooru rolls off the bed, lets himself be caught by Hajime, and kisses him.

Hajime’s arms are frozen in place for a few moments before they move - one tangled in Tooru’s hair, the other looped around his neck. Tooru wraps his arms around Hajime’s waist, biting Hajime’s bottom lip and gasping at his quiet moan, licking the inside of his mouth and it tastes like Hajime would, like the mint gum that he chews so often, like what Tooru’s dreamed of and hated dreaming of for weeks or months or maybe even years. Hajime rubs a thumb along Tooru’s cheekbone, pulling him closer and _god_ did he just whine that’s so embarrassing, why hasn’t he done this before?

_Mom. College, what’ll they do if they see a gay volleyball player, where will his opportunities go, what can he do -_

Tooru gasps and leans back. Hajime’s smiling lazily, but when he sees Tooru’s expression, he stops. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I can’t - this is wrong - I’m not - I’m not like that,” he says, rubbing his eyelids and his cheeks and hoping he can scrub his feelings for Hajime away.

“What?” Hajime asks, and his face falls. This is so much worse than making him mad, Tooru realizes, because at least when he’s mad he knows it’ll end.

“I’m not… I’m normal,” Tooru says. “I’m not weird.”

“Weird,” Hajime says, as if the word is poison. “You’re not weird.”

“I can’t do this,” Tooru says. “I’m sorry.”

 _Please,_ he begs internally, _please get angry, yell at me, tell me to get out of your house and never come back, please._

Hajime just looks at him with an expression Tooru’s never seen before, and it makes him want to cry. “I should’ve known,” he mumbles, face screwed up and oh god, he’s about to cry and Tooru can’t fix it.

“I’m sorry,” Tooru says again, backing out of Hajime’s room and running out of his house.


	2. can i just be in my head (with you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwaoi are at college and things get messy
> 
> (kuroo makes a grand entrance, oikawa's Struggling but it's okay, and his sister and nephew are both amazing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning** for attempt at sexual assault : to skip it skip from "The party itself is a blur" to "When Tooru wakes up, he sees a note"

“Mattsun,” Tooru greets faux-cheerily, waving a hand. Matsukawa rolls his eyes.

“I’m not Iwaizumi, but even I can tell when you’re this unhappy,” he says, and Tooru flinches. “What, did I say something?”

“I was actually about to talk to you about that. Um, I was wondering if Iwa - if Iwaizumi told you where he was going for college. We’d narrowed it down to two places.”

“Wouldn’t he have told you?” Matsukawa asks. “Wait, why’d you call him Iwaizumi?”

“We’re not, um,” Tooru screws his eyes shut, even though every time he does all he can remember is telling Hajime he’s not  _ weird _ like that and running away, “exactly on speaking terms anymore.”

Matsukawa’s jaw drops.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Tooru snaps. “Did he tell you or not?”

“He,” Matsukawa scratches the back of his neck, “told me not to tell you. Said it would be better for you if you figured out where to go to college based on where you wanted to go to college.” He huffs out a laugh. “I didn’t get it at the time, but…” He gestures vaguely - glances at Tooru. “Do you wanna talk?”

“Maybe later,” Tooru says, eyes curving in a way that screams  _ please drop the topic. _ “I’m a week from deadline, so I have to send in a letter. Tell Makki I said hi.” He turns around and starts to walk away.

“Oikawa,” Matsukawa begins, but when Tooru looks back, he seems to change his mind. “Just - remember that Iwaizumi isn’t your only friend. We’re here if you need us.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Tooru replies, letting his voice catch for half a moment and damning himself because of it.

○ ○ ○

It’s not like he hasn’t tried to talk to Hajime since everything. In fact, he’d called him and texted him (several times, most with perfect grammar and no emoticons - something rare and worrying for him) for a month. Hajime had answered one time, said, “I’m sorry; I can’t do this,” and hung up.

Tooru eventually decides to go to the Tokyo school, partially because of its volleyball team and partially because he can barely stand to be at home anymore. When Takeru finds out, he smiles in the way that Tooru does when he’s pretending he isn’t upset, and Tooru’s heart aches at how much the kid is learning from him.

“Hey,” his sister, Terumi, says quietly as they sit together by the beach, watching Takeru run away from the water and pretend he’s not scared every time. “You’ve been weird since your graduation. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Tooru says with a smile. “You being here has definitely dampened my spirits, but it’s fine; I’ll be leaving soon anyway.” Terumi shoots him a cutting glare.

“I’m not going to be distracted by your insults this time, you ass,” she snaps, and Tooru laughs almost convincingly. “Seriously. I’ve noticed Hajime hasn’t been around lately; does that have anything to do with it?”

Tooru swallows - looks away. “It might,” he confesses. “Maybe. But that’s - I mean, I don’t mind. It was my fault, really.” Terumi looks at him suspiciously. “It actually was for once,” he says lightly, hoping it’ll bring up the mood.

“You’re so annoying,” she replies, rolling her eyes. “Just tell the truth; I don’t know how you got like this when I’m so perfect.”

Tooru raises an eyebrow.

“I’m getting distracted,” Terumi sighs. “And you’re doing this on purpose. Please be honest.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Tooru says after a long pause. Takeru gets splashed by a wave and shrieks, immediately covering his mouth afterward and glancing around to make sure no one saw.

“You know I’ll love you no matter what, right?” Terumi asks. “You’re my favorite brother.”

“I’m your only brother,” Tooru answers reflexively, and then he sighs. “I’m not - ” He hates how the word  _ weird _ jumps into his mouth. “I don’t like guys.”

“I never said you did.”

“But I  _ don’t _ ,” Tooru insists. “I don’t. I can’t.” Terumi bites her tongue, stretching her legs out in front of her and frowning.

“You can do anything you want,” she says. “You of all people should know that.” She smiles, though it’s tight around the eyes. “I had Takeru even though Mom didn’t want me to, and she came around eventually. I’m not saying you’re gay - ”

“I’m not,” he says, more sullenly than anything else.

“I’m not saying you’re gay,” Terumi continues calmly, “but if you were, Mom would realize it’s not so bad. It might take her awhile, but she’d get there.” She rubs her eyes. “And anyway, losing whatever Hajime was to you and pretending to be something you’re not isn’t worth it, even to make Mom temporarily happy.”

“He was my best friend,” Tooru says. “That’s all.”

“Okay,” she agrees. “Regardless of whether he was your best friend or whatever else, get happy soon, okay? It’s weird seeing you not brag about how perfect you are every two seconds.”

Tooru coughs out a laugh, his first genuine one in weeks. “Yeah,” he says, “I’ll try.”

○ ○ ○

“Welcome!” a cheery, dark-haired girl with pretty eyes says. “I’m Kaori, and I’ll be your guide for today. If you all would go ahead and introduce yourselves really quickly, that would be great!”

“I’m Oikawa Tooru,” Tooru says with a disarming smile he’s been practicing for a few days now. “I played volleyball in high school and I’m planning to continue here if I can.”

“We have a great team,” the girl says, unaffected by Tooru’s charms. He pouts.  “I’m sure you have a good chance of making it!” The rest of the people in his group introduce themselves - one is Kuroo Tetsurou, who he recognizes from various tournament videos.

“Man,” he says quietly as they all tour the campus, “this place is so much bigger than Nekoma.” Tooru snickers despite himself.

“You’re really perceptive,” he says sarcastically. His voice has an edge to it that it usually doesn’t. Kuroo glances at him - his fringe is weird, Tooru notices, but it’s nice. It frames his face.

“I’ve been told,” he says with a sharp-toothed grin. He blinks slowly. “Oikawa Tooru, huh? I’ve seen your games; you’re…” He exhales. “Really good. The way you elevated your team - amazing.” Tooru shrugs.

“Never went to nationals, though,” he says.

“Well,” Kuroo says, suddenly almost uncomfortably close. “College is for bigger things than high school tournaments. We’re both making it onto the team, I’m assuming?” He raises an eyebrow. “I’m hoping.”

“I am,” Tooru says, smiling the smile he’d tried on their guide. “I’m not sure about you.” Kuroo doesn’t flinch.

“I like you,” he says, and Tooru decides that he likes him too.

○ ○ ○

“We have to get in shape if we wanna make it onto the team,” Kuroo says before Tooru can beat him to it. “You wanna head to the gym tomorrow or something?” Tooru bites back a grin.

“Are you saying I’m unathletic, Tetsu-chan?” he asks. Kuroo snorts, leaning back in his chair and doing that thing where he stares at Tooru until one of them has to look away. “That’s a little rude.”

“No, you’re,” Kuroo pauses, “fine.” He grins - catlike. “But there’s no harm in doing a little extra, right?”

“God, I’m so glad I became friends with you,” Tooru laughs. When Kuroo smiles, it’s with the sharps of his teeth, and it reminds Tooru of a moment in time he’d like to forget. “Tomorrow,” he says hastily. “Campus gym, right?” Kuroo snorts again.

“Do you think I can afford a membership to anything else, man?”

“You sound like a pig when you do that,” Tooru says primly.

“And you sound like a pig when you talk,” Kuroo counters easily. “Guess we’re both animals.” The way he says it makes shivers run hot down Tooru’s spine and  _ no _ he can’t get into this again not after what happened with Hajime -

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he blurts, walking out of the room and toward his own dorm. Kuroo lets out a half-confused, half-strangled noise as he does so, and Tooru pretends he doesn’t replay it in his brain for hours on end.

_ I’m not gay, _ he thinks, biting his lip to keep from screaming into his pillow.  _ I like girls. I’m not gay. _ He flips over, staring at the peeling beige paint on his ceiling.  _ I’m not gay but I like Kuroo and I liked Hajime. I’m not gay but I like boys. _

○ ○ ○

“Hey,” Kuroo asks, feet on Tooru’s desk as he lazily chews on the handle of a pen cap. “Daichi told me there was a guy you always hung out with in high school.” Tooru’s stomach sinks. “Iwaizumi Hajime, right?”

“You talk to Dai-chan?” he asks, voice tight.

“We’re, like, best friends,” Kuroo says, somehow managing to convey a dismissive hand wave without moving. “Even if he won’t admit it yet. Anyway, Iwaizumi’s in my general chem class. I invited him over for a study date next Saturday, so if you have any weird tension, stay away, but if you wanna catch up, come over.”

“I’ll, um,” Tooru lies back on his bed, pressing his palms to his suddenly aching forehead, “I don’t know. I might show up.” He closes his eyes. “I don’t know,” he repeats.

Kuroo sighs. “I wondered why you were so much less annoying than how everyone else described you.”

“So rude,” Tooru hums, biting his lip when memories flash into his mind. “I’m glad you don’t think I’m annoying, though, Tetsu-chan. That’s sweet of you.” Kuroo rolls his eyes and smiles halfway - takes his feet off the desk to stick them on the frame of Tooru’s bed.

“I never said I didn’t think you were annoying,” he corrects. “Just not as annoying as they said.” Tooru snickers. “You and Iwaizumi… what were you guys, exactly? I asked around after, and everyone seemed confused when they were talking to me, too.”

“If you wanted to know about people I’ve dated, you could’ve just talked to me,” Tooru says, heart thumping just a little faster than normal when Kuroo just winks. “And I’m not - I’m not sure what we were, honestly. Friends, I think. We weren’t dating.” He stares at the ceiling. “We were best friends.”

“Speaking of dating,” Kuroo says, and Tooru immediately sits up, bringing his knees close to his chest. “What, um,” he licks his lips - Tooru glances away, “what are your thoughts towards dating men? Like, not you, but if - if a friend of yours was gay, what would your reaction to that be?”

“You’re not subtle,” Tooru chastises. Kuroo laughs, but there’s something nervous behind it. “Two of my best friends are gay.” This is the first time he’s been able to say the word out loud without feeling a horrible wrench in his gut. Tokyo really is a magical place. “Also dating each other. Also, they were on my team, so some practices got third-wheely when - ”  _ When Iwa-chan wasn’t there, _ he almost says, but he pauses. “Anyway, I’m fine with it.”

“You’re fine with it,” Kuroo repeats slowly. His voice sounds like lead, though Tooru isn’t really sure what that means. “Okay,” he exhales. “Cool.” He glances at Tooru, chewing on his bottom lip. “And you’re straight?”

_ Mom, _ Tooru thinks, and then,  _ Mom’s not here. _

_ Volleyball, _ Tooru thinks, and then,  _ if Kuroo’s fine then I’ll be fine too. _

What’s the harm of telling one person, anyway?

“I, um,” he shrugs, “I’m not sure. Please don’t tell anyone because I honestly don’t think I’m ready yet,” he shuts and opens his eyes, relieved when Kuroo just nods, “but I don’t think I’m straight. I don’t think I’m gay, either, though.” Kuroo raises an eyebrow.

“So you could be bi?” he asks.

“What’s that?” Tooru says, and Kuroo’s thrown into a coughing fit for a full minute. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sending you links,” he says after another minute of shocked silence, “and you can figure out all the gay stuff like I did when I was thirteen.”

“Okay, not all of us went to big fancy progressive Tokyo schools,” Tooru snaps. “Some of us had to figure stuff out on our own.”

“Obviously,” Kuroo says with a crooked grin, “you didn’t, but okay.” He barely dodges the pillow Tooru chucks at his head.

Later, when Tooru’s alone in his room, he wonders if Hajime would’ve been the first person he told in another universe, if things had turned out even a little bit differently. He decides it’s best not to dwell on it, but he can’t sleep anyway.

○ ○ ○

Tooru doesn’t go to the study date, instead staying huddled in his room and watching his college team play. They’re good - really good - but Tooru can probably make it onto the team as at least a reserve, and from there it’s only a matter of climbing the ranks.

_ your ex-best friend is cute, _ a text from Kuroo reads.  _ i can see why you got possibly romantically entangled with him. great biceps. _

_ did u talk to him about me? _ Tooru texts back, resisting the urge to add an emoticon to lighten the mood. He hates this, hates how his new college friend talks to his best friend of nineteen years more than he does now and all because Tooru so royally fucked up and can’t fix it ever.

_ lol no i’m not trying to make him mad or anything, _ Kuroo responds a few minutes later.  _ if you want me to i can namedrop you though. _

Tooru spends ten minutes staring at the message.

_ nah,  _ he answers finally.  _ i dont wanna make him mad either. _

○ ○ ○

Really, it was only a matter of time before Tooru ran into Hajime on campus. He’s been aiming for volleyball tryouts, which would allow him to gather his thoughts and not say something incredibly stupid, but the world doesn’t like making things go his way.

On his way to class, he bumps into someone and drops all his materials on the ground, letting out a helpless wail at the sight of all his highlighters spilling on the grass below him before reaching down and trying to pick them up.

“Shit, sorry,” a familiar voice says, and Tooru immediately falls silent. “I’ll help pick them up – oh.” Hajime exhales as he looks Tooru in the eye before handing him his remaining highlighters. “You go here.” There’s nothing betraying any emotion in his eyes. For all anyone else knows, he’s talking to a stranger. (Are they strangers now? Tooru isn’t sure if he wants them to be.)

“Yeah,” Tooru replies awkwardly. “I do.” He sighs. “I’m sorry - ” he begins, but Hajime’s already gone.

○ ○ ○

“So I was wondering,” Kuroo says as he and Tooru practice serves, “after we both make it onto the team - ”

“No need to be cocky,” Tooru hums.  _ Says you, _ a voice that sounds suspiciously like Hajime’s scoffs in his mind. Tooru pushes it away.

“After we both make it onto the team,” Kuroo repeats, tilting his head back and taking a sip of water before he continues, “I was wondering if you wanted to, like, meet my boyfriend or something.”

Something ugly and bitter rises in his throat because of  _ course _ Kuroo has a boyfriend, of course Tooru never had a chance because Kuroo’s gorgeous and funny and smart and Tooru’s unloveable and just some weird kid who got better at hiding it like he always has been -

He pastes on a smile. “Yeah, sounds cool. If you can get me a date by then and only if we both make it onto the team.” Kuroo snorts.

“We will,” he says. “And I can get you a date; it won’t be hard when you look like… that.”

Tooru serves and misses.

○ ○ ○

They make it onto the team, though neither of them are regulars yet. Hajime also makes it, and when Tooru tries to congratulate him, he doesn’t run away. Instead, he just stares at Tooru for slightly longer than necessary - does that Hajime thing where he almost smiles but stops himself at the last moment. “Yeah,” he says. “You too.” He walks away before Tooru can try to continue the conversation.

“That was,” Kuroo says, slinging an arm around Tooru and apparently not noticing the way he tenses up, “an improvement. I think.” He glances at him suspiciously. “You’re sure you two were best friends for your whole life?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Tooru says, only slightly offended. “I told you; what happened between us wasn’t good.”

“You’ve never said what exactly happened to you,” Kuroo replies. He frantically shakes his head as he sees Tooru’s expression. “I’m not pressuring you to or anything, no worries. That was a bit of a dick move on my part.”

“No, you’re,” Tooru winces, “right. I just - you wouldn’t think of me the same way if I told you, and I don’t want that.” Kuroo purses his lips.

“Fair enough,” he admits finally. “Are you ready for a sweet double date?”

“Don’t say sweet in that context, Tetsu-chan; I thought we’ve been over this,” Tooru chastises. “And yeah, if you can tell me who my date is.” Kuroo wiggles his eyebrows, sticking his tongue out like a fool, and Tooru can feel his crush melting away, which stinks a little bit because it served as a nice distraction.

“It’s a  _ surprise, _ ” he says emphatically. “That means you let yourself get surprised.”

“I don’t trust you to make good choices,” Tooru scoffs. Kuroo pouts.

“I always make good choices.”

○ ○ ○

This, Tooru realizes as he arrives at the movies and sees Yuu Nishinoya talking to Kuroo and his boyfriend, is indubitably one of Kuroo’s bad choices. “You?” they both ask incredulously when they see each other.

“Ah, so you know each other,” Kuroo says with a sly grin. His boyfriend - tiny, bleached hair, soft but angular features - stares at the two of them, tilting his head thoughtfully. His expression is completely blank. It’s a little creepy.

“He plays for Karasuno,” Tooru says through gritted teeth. “You’re the libero.”

“And you were the captain of Aoba Johsai,” Nishinoya replies with a sharp grin. “We beat you.”

“I remember, thank you.” He pauses. “Aren’t you a third year? Why are you even here?” Nishinoya shrugs - sticks his hands into his pockets.

“I’m visiting a friend,” he says easily. “Do you remember Asahi-san?”

“He doesn’t go here, does he? I didn’t see him at tryouts,” Tooru answers, curious despite himself.

“He’s following his culinary dreams,” Nishinoya says, waving a hand. “It’s all very cute.” He blows a strand of hair out of his face and Tooru realizes that everything about this is ridiculous. “But I was getting bored with the lack of attention, so when Kuroo-san,” he half-angrily jerks his head towards Kuroo, who’s faux-offended, “said that he could set me up on a blind date with a hot guy, I said sure because how bad could it be?”

“Funny,” Tooru says icily. “Those were my thoughts too.”

“I’m Kenma,” Kuroo’s boyfriend says quietly and abruptly as Kuroo begins to back away, as if he’s trying to disappear into the wall. “I know you,” he continues, looking at Nishinoya. He glances back at Tooru. “Not you, though.”

“Oikawa Tooru,” Tooru says with a winning beam. “I’m - a new friend of Tetsu-chan’s, I guess.” Nishinoya mockingly mouths  _ Tetsu-chan _ , scowling when Kuroo glares at him.

“So maybe,” Kuroo admits as they all walk into the theater, “I could have chosen your date better. I forgot you were both from Miyagi for a second.”

“He’s too short and he’s annoying,” Tooru mutters. Nishinoya kicks his shin. “Jesus  _ Christ  _ \- ”

“You’re both loud and weird, so I thought you’d get along,” Kuroo explains, grinning when Tooru and Nishinoya shoot him identical glowers. “Enjoy the movie and we can all forget this ever happened.” Kenma lets himself smile for half a moment, laying his head on Kuroo’s chest as he gets comfortable on his seat.  _ They’re cute _ , Tooru thinks, and his chest aches dully for something he probably won’t ever have. “Hey, isn’t that Iwaizumi?” Kuroo asks, glancing at the entrance of the theater.

Tooru resists the urge to turn around. “Noya-kun, I know this is the worst date ever for both of us, but I’d appreciate it if you looked at the entrance and let me know if my old ace is walking in right now.”

Nishinoya glances at him curiously. “So there’s something interesting about you after all,” he says, and Tooru pinches his shoulder. “Ah, fuck - fine. I’m looking.” He cranes his neck around, waving adorably before he turns back. “Yeah, it’s Iwaizumi-san. And some other guy. They’re holding hands; it’s pretty cute.”

Tooru knows he shouldn’t care anymore, but his heart feels like it’s falling out of his chest.

“Oh,” he says, faking a smile. Hajime’s the only one that can tell when they’re real, anyway. “Cool. That’s good.”

“He’s looking at you now,” Nishinoya continues. “You guys had that weird almost-dating thing happening, right?”

“Did everyone in the prefecture know?” Tooru asks, but Nishinoya grabs his hand and entwines their fingers before he can say anything else.

“Oh, now he’s glaring,” Kenma says. Kuroo shoots him a surprised look. “This is interesting,” he explains. “More interesting than whatever movie we’re gonna be watching now, anyway.”

“It’s a  _ thriller, _ ” Kuroo hisses at the same time Tooru snaps, “It’s about  _ aliens _ .”

“What if I kissed you?” Nishinoya asks with a sharp, twisted grin. “That would get his attention, right?”

“Don’t kiss me,” Tooru warns, “or I’ll tell Asahi-kun you’re in love with him.” Nishinoya begins to sputter. “That’s what I thought.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Nishinoya mutters, but he stops nonetheless.

Tooru hates to admit it, but the movie is incredibly bad - the type of movie that Hajime would complain about for the next week in order to guilt Tooru into buying him tofu, which makes him wonder why Hajime showed up in the first place.  _ His new boyfriend probably likes this stuff,  _ he realizes, and he sighs.

“This was a mistake,” Kuroo apologizes as they walk outside. “And I’m so sorry.”

“It was nice to meet you, Kenma-chan,” Tooru says with a smile, pointedly ignoring Kuroo, who frowns. “I hope we’ll see each other again soon.”

Kuroo smiles slightly - nods. “I hope so, too,” he agrees.

○ ○ ○

_ hey, _ Tooru texts Hajime two weeks later, surprised when it goes through.

He waits an hour before deciding Hajime probably - definitely won’t answer, jolting when he hears his phone buzz.

_ Hi. _

Tooru beams.  _ i saw you w ur bf at the movies~~, _ he texts, cursing at his familiarity and impulsivity as soon as he hits send.  _ u were both cute <3. _

_ I saw you holding hands with Nishinoya. You’re dating guys now? _

Tooru lets out a long and low hiss.

_ tetsu-chan set me up so i’m not dating noya-kun, but yeah, i guess, _ he answers.

Text bubbles appear - disappear - appear again.

_ Cool, _ Hajime responds after ten minutes.

_ yeah, _ Tooru replies, throwing his phone onto the bed and screaming into his palms.

○ ○ ○

“I’m having another study date with Iwaizumi because of finals,” Kuroo says over the phone. “I heard you two are on better terms now.”

“We talked, like, once,” Tooru agrees, cringing as he remembers the awkward conversation they’d had about blocking effectively.  _ Blocking,  _ Tooru thinks, slamming his book onto his desk a little harder than he needs to.  _ We were on the same teams for six years; I think we both know how we block. _

“You should come over,” Kuroo hums. His voice takes on that false-honey tone it does when he wants Tooru to do something but won’t explain why. “We can be study buddies.”

“I don’t even take chemistry this semester.”

“Quiz the both of us, then, and we’ll quiz you on Stats. I know you need the study help. My dorm tomorrow?”

“Order pizza? With spinach and pineapples.”

“I have like two dollars total; do you think I can  _ afford _ \- ”

“Then no,” Tooru says smoothly. Kuroo sighs.

“Fine. Yes. I’ll order pizza.”

○ ○ ○

It’s weird for Tooru to feel like an outsider when hanging out with his old and current best friend, but somehow, he does anyway. “Oh my god, do you remember when Professor Watanabe - ”

“Spilled coffee all over the projector and then blamed us for it,” Kuroo finishes, cackling. “Like it was  _ our _ fault he’s a clumsy asshole who can’t teach.” They both look at Tooru, who’s sitting primly, hands folded on his lap. “Ah,” Kuroo says. “I have to go… to the bathroom.” He smiles uncomfortably. “At this moment right now.”

They’re left alone.

“He doesn’t know what happened, does he?” Hajime asks.

“Not - not all of it,” Tooru confirms reluctantly. “But he knows it was my fault. I didn’t twist the story like I normally do.” He smiles, but it’s fake. He wonders if Hajime can still tell.

“It wasn’t all your fault,” Hajime mumbles. “I shouldn’t have read too much into anything.”

“I kissed you,” Tooru says gently. “You read the right amount into it.” They sit in silence for a few minutes. “I know I don’t deserve it, but, um - do you want to start over?”

“Erase eighteen years of friendship?” Hajime asks with a quirk of his lip.

Tooru shrugs. “We’ve already kind of done it, haven’t we?” Hajime scowls stubbornly like he always does and it simultaneously feels so achingly familiar and distant. “I know we can’t go back to - to whatever we were, but I…”  _ I miss you, _ he almost says. “I want to try again. At friendship, I mean, not the other stuff.” He turns bright red, wondering if that was the wrong thing to say.

“I was really mad at you,” Hajime says. “For a really long time. Like, until a barely before volleyball tryouts, and that was only because Kuroo was talking to me about how much you came close to mentioning me and backed out at the last moment.” He sighs. “I should’ve been more understanding, but I - ” He pauses. Closes his eyes. Tooru watches his eyelashes flutter and looks away, feeling dirty somehow. “I, um, forgot about your mom for a minute, and also that we lived in the middle of nowhere, and I assumed that was some weird practical joke you’d been playing for the past two years.”

“Iwa - ” Tooru bites his tongue. “You thought I was that cruel?”

“Logically, no,” Hajime admits after a moment, “but at the time, emotionally, yeah.” He grins halfheartedly. “So we’re starting over, then? Should I just call you Oikawa?”

“And I call you Iwaizumi?” Tooru asks. No matter how many times he tries to say it, Hajime’s full name feels unwelcome on his tongue, like a cold lump of metal.

“Iwa-chan is,” Hajime shuts his eyes again, “fine, I guess. Since you call everyone a stupid nickname anyway.” He smiles, genuinely this time. “I’m glad you’re not pretending to be straight anymore.”

“Me too,” Tooru hums. “I mean, I still am, I guess, in front of most people, but I - I’m not pretending to be straight in front of myself.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Am I making sense?”

“You never are,” Hajime replies, “but yeah, I think.”

Tooru’s heart feels like it’s glowing, but for some reason, he also feels a weird kind of disappointment sitting in his stomach.  _ Of course we wouldn’t magically bounce back to being best friends, _ he thinks.  _ I wouldn’t be best friends with me after what happened, either.  _ He pauses.  _ I wouldn’t be best friends with me at all. _

Hajime’s a saint, really.

“So we’re okay?” Tooru asks, quietly. Hajime smiles but it’s brittle.

“I guess we are.”

○ ○ ○

Erasing a friendship, Tooru realizes, is far harder than he thought.

Now that he’s having proper conversations with Hajime again, he wants to wrap an arm around him or mess up his (already horrific) hair or pinch his cheeks, but he can’t, so instead he maintains a polite distance and becomes extra touchy with Kuroo, who probably understands why but pretends not to for Tooru’s sake.

Volleyball is still fun, though, like it always has been. It’s a good escape, and he, Kuroo, and Hajime work extremely well together, the combination of familiarity and skill breeding something almost invincible. When he practices until midnight, Hajime sometimes wordlessly takes the balls away from him and locks them up. ( _ Iwa-chan, _ he’d crooned one time, drunk on sleep and maybe a little alcohol,  _ you still care. _ Hajime had just looked at the floor and walked away, leaving Tooru alone and confused but still pleased.)

“Hey,” Tooru says as he, Kuroo, and Hajime are walking across the quad together, “do you think we’ll get to play a game this year?” He scowls. “Hopefully at least the one against Ushiwaka-chan’s team.” Kuroo stares at him, bemused, and Hajime sighs exasperatedly.

“You’re still obsessed with him?” he asks. “I was hoping that part of you had changed too.” Tooru pretends he doesn’t hear the implications.

“I was never  _ obsessed  _ with him, Iwa-chan,” he corrects. “I just had a healthy sense of competition.”

“And anyway,” Hajime presses on, “Ushijima’s a nice person if you get to know him. He gave me gardening tips a few times, which was sweet. At least, I think it was supposed to be sweet.” He knits his brows together, and Tooru looks away, feeling like he’s in high school again but in a good way.

“Ushiwaka-chan is incapable of human emotion,” he announces.

“Says you,” Kuroo and Hajime say simultaneously, though Kuroo’s tone is more lazily amused and Hajime’s is endearingly frustrated. They grin at each other. Tooru feels like he’s falling back, so he walks faster.

○ ○ ○

“My boyfriend and I broke up,” Hajime says one day as they’re both in his room, anxiously awaiting results from their finals. Tooru looks up from his phone.

“He was ugly anyway,” he says, “so I’m surprised he didn’t stick around like a leech until you dumped him.”

“He - I broke up with him,” Hajime scoffs. “Not the other way around.” The statement catches Tooru’s attention, and he sets his phone down - circles his arms around his knees. Hajime’s mouth quirks upwards. “You always do that when you’re trying to focus.”

_ Oh,  _ Tooru thinks.  _ You do still know me. _

“Why’d you break up with him?” he asks. “I thought you really liked him. I mean, he was all over your Snapchat, so I assumed.”  _ It’s not like I paid attention or anything. I’m not desperate, _ he wants to say, tongue almost curling around the words before he swallows them back.

Hajime shrugs, staring at the ceiling. “Stuff came up.”

“Stuff came up,” Tooru repeats. “Like what?”

“Like,” Hajime swallows and Tooru avoids looking at his Adam’s apple, “stuff.”

If this had been high school, Tooru would’ve teasingly said  _ oh, did you realize your love for me, _ shrieking when Hajime tackled him. If this had been high school, Tooru would’ve watched some stupid horror film that Hajime adored with him even though he couldn’t sleep for days after seeing them.

This isn’t high school, so Tooru just sighs - leans back on the bed - bites his lip. “You wanna get hammered?” he asks. “There’s a party tonight that I was gonna skip, but it’s a good spot for hookups.”

“Please,” Hajime groans, and they both laugh and for a moment it feels like nothing’s changed.

○ ○ ○

The party itself is a blur, with shot after shot after shot (Tooru thinks he played beer pong with Kuroo against Hajime and some guy named Bokuto and lost, but everything’s a little blurry). At one point, though, he spots a cute guy staring at him and winks.

“Hey,” Cute Guy says, walking over and handing Tooru a drink.

“Hi,” Tooru says, a little breathlessly, looking for Hajime, who’s talking to Bokuto. “I haven’t seen you around.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you either,” Cute Guy replies, and something is off about his smile but it’s probably just Tooru being weird and drunk. “I wouldn’t forget a face that pretty.” Tooru’s heart drops to his stomach as he giggles, feeling embarrassed and warm.

“Thanks,” he laughs. “I could say the same, um.” He pauses, trying to collect his thoughts. “I could say the same about you.”

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Cute Guy says, and Tooru laughs a little at how silly the phrase sounds. “There’s a bedroom open, and I’m friends with the guy who’s hosting this so he’ll be fine with it.”

“Be fine with what?” Tooru asks, mouth feeling slightly fuzzy, like he’s chewing on cotton.

Cute Guy shoves Tooru against the wall, entrapping him and pressing a knee against his crotch. “I think you know,” he says in a low voice.

“No,” Tooru says, shaking his head, “um, sorry, I, uh, should’ve clarified. I’m here for um - for a friend, so I’m not trying.” He closes his eyes -  _ shit _ , why is he forgetting all his words right now; he must’ve been more drunk than he thought. “I’m not trying to hook up with anyone. Sorry.”

Cute Guy scoffs, leaning in and pressing wet kisses to Tooru’s jawline despite his protests. “Please. We were flirting like two seconds ago. Don’t play hard to get with me.”

“I’m not,” Tooru tries to shove him off but this guy is so enormous he can barely move him an inch, “playing hard to get, I just - ”

Someone barrels in and punches Cute Guy in the face while someone else pulls Tooru away from him.

“He’s drunk,” Hajime hisses, holding Tooru’s wrist tightly. Kuroo’s glaring down at Cute Guy, who’s clutching his bleeding nose. “He can barely speak. Don’t pull that shit, man.”

Tooru tries to say  _ thank you _ but he can’t get words to come out of his mouth, so he just pats Hajime’s back weakly. “You’re so irresponsible,” Hajime mutters, pulling Tooru out of the room, Kuroo following while making sure no one’s trying to get to him. “I can’t believe you’re a messy drunk.”

“I’m messy  _ all _ the time,” Tooru manages to hum against Hajime’s cheek, wondering when he got so close and why Hajime isn’t pulling away.

“Trust me,” Hajime grunts, dragging Tooru towards his room, “I know.”

Tooru almost falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, but he hears Hajime and Kuroo speaking in hushed tones and tries to eavesdrop. “He didn’t used to be like this,” Hajime’s saying in a low voice. “He was always the more cautious out of the two of us, even if he didn’t seem like it. I wouldn’t…” He doesn’t hear the next few sentences. “He wouldn’t have been that drunk in high school.”

“It’s not his fault for getting drunk,” Kuroo replies, half-defensive and half-gentle.

“That’s not what I was trying to imply; I’m just - worried, I guess.” Hajime sighs - Tooru can imagine him running a hand through his hair nervously. “It’s not my place to be the naggy best friend anymore, though, so I can’t do anything about it.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with - with whatever happened?” Kuroo asks, and Tooru’s asleep before he can hear Hajime’s answer.

○ ○ ○

When Tooru wakes up, he sees a note on his bed in Kuroo’s familiar messy scrawl with Hajime’s ridiculously neat handwriting just under it.

_ drink water and eat ginger based breakfast it helps with the hangover you definitely have, _ Kuroo’s half reads.

_ Don’t do anything stupid, and don’t drink more alcohol. I took your wine and I’m not giving it back for a week, _ Hajime warns. Tooru’s head is aching, but he smiles.

“Hey,” he says as soon as Kuroo picks up the phone. “Um, do you know that guy? The one from last night with the - the thing.”

“I,” Kuroo replies, voice a little gruff and scratchy, “uh, think I’ve seen him in a few of my classes. I dunno, you obviously looked super uncomfortable, so Iwaizumi and I just headed over there.” He yawns. “If you see him, just call me and I can punch him again. Seemed like an asshole.”

“Oh,” Tooru says.

“What?” Kuroo asks.

“Nothing, it’s just - that was nice of you.”

“Friends help friends avoid being assaulted,” Kuroo says easily.

“Yeah,” Tooru breathes. The word  _ friends _ curls warm around his heart like a cat and settles there. (He already knew he and Kuroo were friends. Why does it feel so nice?) “I mean, I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk in the first place.”

“He shouldn’t have been weird after you said you weren’t into it,” Kuroo says coolly. “Not your fault for being drunk at a party you went to specifically to get drunk.”

“I - I guess. I probably should eat something now,” Tooru realizes, feeling greasy and nauseous and disgusting. “See you later?”

“Ginger based breakfast,” Kuroo says, and Tooru hangs up.

○ ○ ○

“Are you visiting home for break?” Hajime asks.

“Yeah, or Takeru’ll kill me,” Tooru says with a laugh. “You?”

Hajime shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.” They both look at each other. “Do you wanna go together? Reduced transportation costs.”

“Speak in full sentences, Iwa-chan; you’re not a caveman,” Tooru reprimands. “And yeah.” He snickers. “I don’t have enough money to travel on my own.”

“Cool,” Hajime says. He pauses - purses his lips. Tooru feels the need to stare at the sky for a few moments before beaming at him the way he would a friend. (A friend! Hajime’s his friend again, good and proper.)

“Cool,” he replies.

○ ○ ○

He practices coming out to Terumi several times - first in front of the mirror, then to Kuroo, who helps play out hypothetical reactions to the same speech that vary from creepily ecstatic to horrified.

When it’s the real thing, though, he seems to forget every trial run.

“Um - Ane - could I talk to you for a minute? Alone?”

Terumi raises an eyebrow. “You haven’t used an honorific with me for your entire life, so no.” Tooru hisses through his teeth.

“Terumi,” he says, trying as hard as he can to maintain a tone which doesn’t scream murder, “please.” She grins and it reminds him of Takeru when he’s about to bargain for a toy. “Please,” he repeats. “Don’t make me grovel.”

She pouts. “It’s so fun, though.”

“Terumi,  _ please. _ ”

“Okay,” she concedes, heading up to his childhood bedroom - is it weird to call it his childhood bedroom when he lived here a year ago?  _ Probably _ , he thinks. “What’s up?”

Tooru screws his eyes shut, trying to remember the poignant, beautiful speech he’d spent so long memorizing and repeating in front of an extremely critical Kuroo. “Um,” he says finally, “boys.”

_ That wasn’t it. _

“Boys,” Terumi repeats slowly. “Tooru, I love you, but you’re going to need to be slightly more specific here.”

“Boys,” Tooru says again, helpless. “Um. I think they’re cute, sometimes.”

Terumi’s mouth opens into an  _ o _ .

“But girls too,” Tooru blurts. “Boys and girls. They’re both cute. And - and there’s this person at my college, and they’re not a boy or a girl but I wanted to kiss them for like a week, too, so there’s that.” This definitely isn’t the speech Tooru had planned, but Terumi’s smiling anyway, so it’s fine.

“Are you talking to Hajime again?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “We drove here together, actually. I mean.” He exhales. “It’s not like we’re - it’s not like before, but we’re fine. It’s good. I’m happy.”

“I’m glad,” Terumi says, and her smile is genuine. She pauses, putting a finger to her lip. “You’re not planning to tell Mom, are you? If you are, props, but I feel like - ”

“No,” Tooru interrupts. “I’m not really emotionally prepared for that.” She nods.

“That’s expected,” she says. “I’m proud of you.”

“Don’t get sappy just because I told you something,” he warns, and she ruffles his hair, snickering when he scowls.

“Really, though,” she says after a moment. “I am. You - it’s only been a year, and you’ve made a lot of progress with everything. That’s good. I’m proud.” Tooru smiles wryly.

“A year is a long time,” he says. Terumi laughs.

“Too long for Takeru,” she replies. “C’mon, he has to pretend he hates you now. Let’s go.”

○ ○ ○

“Does your mom know?” Tooru asks Hajime. “I mean, about - about the gay thing.”

“Yeah,” he replies, for some reason not meeting Tooru’s eyes. “She’s known since, like, third year of middle school.”

“Oh,” Tooru says. “How long have you known?” Hajime’s smiling now, and it’s reminiscent and quiet and Tooru’s heart stutters.  _ No, _ he thinks.  _ Not again. _

“Forever, I think.” He shrugs. “At first I didn’t know it wasn’t how everyone was, but when I realized I did some research, and that was it. I had a crush on your neighbor for a bit. The one who, um…” He trails off.

“Yeah, I think everyone did,” Tooru sighs. “One time we were hanging out and I almost asked him to kiss me. With like, no preamble. I didn’t even know he was gay at the time; I just really liked him.”

“So your neighbor was your only real crush?” Hajime asks with a half-grin.  _ And you,  _ Tooru thinks.  _ My neighbor and you. _

“I had a crush on the girl who didn’t like me from high school, remember? The one with the tattoos. And Kuroo for a little bit, too,” Tooru says instead, laughing when Hajime’s thrown into a coughing fit. “Only for a bit! As soon as he told me he had a boyfriend it went away; it was like two seconds and he’s  _ hot _ .”

“Also a mess,” Hajime says. “And he says  _ o ho ho _ all the time for no reason, like some sort of nerd.”

“But he’s a good flirt,” Tooru counters. “He’s fun to keep a conversation with, and he won’t blush when I say something weird. You’re the nerd, Iwa-chan.”

“You’re a nerd,” Hajime shoots back childishly. Tooru snickers.

○ ○ ○

In Tooru’s second year of college, he finally gets moved up to a regular position along with Kuroo and Hajime. When they find out, they go out to drink. “Don’t get so drunk you throw up on me again,” Hajime warns, and Tooru wonders when they got back to being so comfortable. (Not that he minds, though he might mind a little bit since all he can dream about is Hajime again.)

“I never threw up on you,” Tooru says with a sharp grin. “Just your shoes.”

“You’re both annoying,” Kuroo says, though he’s smiling. “I understand why everyone couldn’t stand you in high school now.”

“Hey,” Hajime says, offended. “People liked me. Just not Shittykawa.”

Tooru pretends to feel hurt even though a thrill runs through his spine at the familiar nickname. “I was popular, Iwa-chan.” He holds his head up. “I’m still popular. Don’t get bitter just because you have two friends.”

“I’m getting a drink,” Kuroo announces. “You were easier to tolerate when you were sad, Oikawa.” Tooru pouts.

“You’re both so mean to me.”

Kuroo ends up getting all three of them free drinks by hitting on the bartender (Hajime wrinkles his nose in disgust when Kenma tries to subtly flex), and they sit together. “Iwaizumi should dance today,” Kuroo says with a dry, conniving grin. Tooru smiles.

“You should, Iwa-chan,” he agrees. “You’re wound up so tight all the time; I’m afraid you’re going to burst.”

“I’m not dancing,” says Hajime, “because I don’t want to look like an idiot and have both of you recording.” They both gasp.

“What do you think of us?” Kuroo asks, placing a hand on his heart. “We’re good friends. We would never. Right, Oikawa?”

Tooru nods solemnly. “We would never,” he agrees, “try to humiliate you like that.” Hajime throws him a cutting glower.

“You have no right to say you won’t humiliate me,” he snaps. Tooru beams.

“You’re not wrong,” he confirms, “but I’ve changed.” Hajime shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “What if I dance, too? Then we’re both embarrassed and it’s fine.”

“Not today, Trashykawa,” Hajime says, “and not ever.”

Tooru grins. “I’ll get you to do it one day.” When Hajime looks at him, there’s something tender in his eye that makes Tooru glance at the floor.

“Yeah,” he says. “You probably will.”

○ ○ ○

“Ugh,” Kuroo groans as he and Tooru sit in his room, pretending to study for midterms. “Were you and Iwaizumi seriously this gross in high school?” Tooru shrugs.

“We’re still antsy around each other right now, so I’d say we were worse then,” he says honestly. Kuroo groans again.

“I need a straight friend,” he sighs. “I never thought I’d say it, but I need a straight friend.”

“Dai-chan’s straight,” Tooru points out. “Isn’t he?”

Kuroo stares at him.

“You’re not serious,” he says. Tooru stares back blankly. “He’s been dating Suga since their first year of high school. You’re kidding, Oikawa; tell me you’re not this bad.”

“Oh,” Tooru says, and then, “ _ oh _ .” He pauses. “I guess that explains the time their faces were really close together and I asked Refreshing-kun for setting advice. Dai-chan looked…” He pauses. “Really mad. That makes sense.”

“The more I get to know you,” Kuroo says, “the more I’m surprised that Iwaizumi put up with you for so long.”

“I’m terrible,” Tooru agrees cheerfully.

“I thought you were cool on the first day I met you,” he continues, looking horrified at himself. “Oh my god. Why am I even friends with you?” Tooru frowns.

“Okay, maybe going a bit far.” Kuroo grins and it reminds Tooru a little bit of a shark but also of a kid. He’s not sure what to make of that, but it makes him smile too.

“You’re right; my bad.” He shrugs - lies on his back, on the floor. “But it at least explains why you’re so oblivious to,” he waves his hands wildly in the air, “everything.”

Tooru frowns again. “What else am I oblivious about?” he asks, and Kuroo just shakes his head and lets his arms fall flat.

“Never mind,” he says. “We should start studying now.”

○ ○ ○

“You know,” Tooru says thoughtfully, “I’ve actually never been in  a real relationship before.” Hajime stares at him.

“Yeah,” he says. “I know. I’ve been your friend for your entire life.”

“You didn’t believe any of my girlfriends were real?” Tooru asks, jutting his lip out like he always does when he’s trying to rile Hajime up. “I mean, their feelings for me were real enough. Amongst other things.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Hajime doesn’t take the bait. “They all dumped you after two weeks because of volleyball,” he says. “Relationship virgin and actual virgin.”

Tooru gasps. “So rude,” he snaps. “It's not my fault I've dated people and you haven't.”

“I literally had a boyfriend,” Hajime snaps.

Tooru feels strangely hurt by the statement, by the reminder that there's some parts of Hajime's life he's not part of anymore - some pieces he'll never be privy to.

“Iwa-chan,” he says, leaning over and pinching Hajime’s cheek as a distraction. “People want to spend time with you? Things really have changed since high school.” Hajime slaps his hand away, drawing his knees close to his chest.

“You’ve always been so mean to me,” he says. His eyes are smiling. “You complain about me being rude and then you say stuff like that.”

Tooru pauses. “You’re right,” he agrees, grinning. “Iwa-chan, you’re the most handsome, smart, loving person I’ve ever met in my life.” His tone changes in a way that only Hajime would notice. “I’m the luckiest person on Earth to have you as my - ”

Is best friend still appropriate? Tooru almost slips and says something else - he’s not sure what, but he pauses.

“I’m the luckiest person on Earth to have you as my friend,” he finishes.

Hajime’s the first to break the moment, laughing but not really. “It’s nice to know you have the capability of pretending to be kind, at least,” he says.

_ I wasn’t pretending,  _ Tooru almost says, but the words get stuck in his throat and he knows if he tries to spit them out they’ll turn into something ugly, somehow.

Instead, he snorts. “I’m very good at pretending.” When he smiles it feels like his mouth is being cut with glass. “You should know.”

○ ○ ○

Takeru comes with Terumi and Tooru’s mom to visit halfway through the year, and it’s quite possibly one of the worst experiences he’s had in college so far.

“I’m not out to my mom,” he explains to Kuroo quietly and urgently, minutes before his family is set to arrive, “and I’m not planning to come out to her anytime soon, so if you would please talk about the several girlfriends I’ve had and pretend I’m exactly the way I pretended to be in high school, that would be great.”

Kuroo, for once, doesn’t laugh. He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I had Iwaizumi fill me in as soon as you told me your family was coming in. You - you like your nephew, right? He’s gonna be fun.”

“He’s such a brat,” Tooru huffs. “All he does is call me lame.”

“So he took after you,” Kuroo says, grinning when Tooru scowls. “Am I - am I allowed to be out, or should I pretend I’m straight? I’m honestly cool with either,” he adds hastily after seeing Tooru’s expression. “Your safety comes above me talking about Kenma for three days.”

“Thank you,” Tooru exhales gratefully, “so much.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kuroo says. His smile gleams. “It’s not my first time dealing with homophobic parents.”

_ Hey,  _ a text from Terumi reads.  _ We’re here now pick us up before Mom calls the cops. _

“We gotta go,” Tooru says, pulling Kuroo out. “My mom’s, uh, big on punctuality and she’s here now.”

When Takeru sees Tooru, he screams and runs over, wrapping himself around Tooru and refusing to let go. Tooru just ruffles his hair, beaming.

“Hi,” Kuroo says with a charming smile, reaching out his hand. “I’m Kuroo Tetsurou.” Tooru’s mother smiles back.

“Oikawa Tsubame,” she says.

“This Oikawa’s told me all about you,” Kuroo says effortlessly. Terumi exchanges a glance with Tooru, who’s beaming as if his life depends on it. She walks towards him.

“You made friends with a good kid,” she whispers. “Excellent liar.”

“Just like me,” Tooru says, somehow managing to smile wider.

“Your face looks like it’s gonna split in half; calm down,” Terumi warns. “Where’s Hajime? Mom’s gonna be suspicious if she doesn’t see him and then she’s gonna interrogate you. You know that.”

“He’s on his way,” Tooru replies, toning down his expression, and looking down at Takeru, who still hasn’t moved from his spot.

As if on cue, Hajime walks up to them. “Hi, Okaasama,” he says with a smile. Tooru’s mother smiles back, but it’s strained.

“Hello, Hajime,” she says. “I wasn’t aware you and Tooru were still close.”

“We are,” Hajime says, clapping Tooru on the back a little too hard. “Best friends, like always.” Tooru’s mom nods politely before turning back to Kuroo.

“This might,” Terumi says, “have been the wrong course of action.”

“Takeru,” Tooru says. “Do you practice volleyball with Tetsu-chan, Iwa-chan, and me? Mom and Terumi, you guys come too.”

“Oh, thanks for the invitation,” Terumi says sarcastically, snickering at the following glower Tooru sends her.

○ ○ ○

On the third day of his family’s stay, Takeru declares that he likes Kuroo better than Tooru. “He doesn’t yell at me ever,” he justifies. Tooru stares. “It’s okay; I still love you.”

“You just love him  _ more _ ,” Tooru hisses. Terumi elbows him sharply. “What?”

“You’re not the child here, Shittykawa,” Hajime says from behind him. “Stop acting like one.”

“Kuroo stole my nephew!”

“If I yell at you will you go back to loving your uncle the most?” Kuroo asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Takeru shakes his head stubbornly.

“You have cooler hair.” Tooru touches his own hair, wondering when he got too lame for little kids. Terumi pats his back.

“Takeru,” Tooru says, almost desperately, “if you say I’m your favorite I’ll buy you ice cream for the next month.” Takeru grins deviously and holy  _ shit, _ Tooru just got manipulated by a child.

“Sounds good. Love you, Oji,” he says.

“You’re growing old,” Hajime says. “So easily fooled.” Kuroo high-fives Takeru, smiling innocently when Tooru glares.

“I learned from the best,” Takeru says cheerfully.

“Oh, god,” Terumi says, looking the most horrified Tooru’s ever seen her. “He’s just like you.”

○ ○ ○

“I’m glad you’re friends with that Kuroo boy,” Tooru’s mother says, and he’s glad she hasn’t seen his enormous back tattoo. “It’s nice to see you making friends with good influences for once.” He wants to just smile and leave it, but her words sting his ears.

“Iwa-chan is a good influence,” he says defensively. “He’s been my friend for twenty years, and I turned out fine.” His mother purses her lips.

“Yes, but for a moment,” she sighs, “I thought you were going down the wrong path.”

_ Avoid conflict, _ Tooru thinks.  _ That’s all you wanted. _

“What,” he says, tone icy, “is the wrong path?”

“You know.” She lowers her voice. “The way you talked with him… I thought you might be gay or something.”

“And that’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?” Tooru asks with a pleasant grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. His mother doesn’t pick up on it. Of course she wouldn’t.

“Well, no, but it’s - it’s up there,” she says.

Tooru’s lungs fell out of his ribcage, he thinks, because suddenly he can’t breathe.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he manages to croak. He rubs his eyelids. “I - ”

Hajime walks into the room before he can say anything he’ll regret. “Hey, Trashykawa, your nephew wants someone to get pizza with him and I took him out the last time, so - ” He pauses, eyes darting between Tooru and his mother. “Oh, was I, um, interrupting something? I can get out, sorry.” He ducks his head.  _ Cute _ , Tooru thinks, and then,  _ shit. _

“No,” he says quickly, smiling again at his mom before making his way out. “I should go before Takeru throws a tantrum. Mom, do you want to come with?” She shakes her head, staring at them with her eyebrows knit.

○ ○ ○

They leave two days later, and Kuroo sighs as soon as they’re gone. “That was exhausting,” he yawns. “Takeru’s cute, though, so they should come more often.” Tooru glares.

“Stay away from my nephew,” he snaps.

Kuroo grins slyly. “Not my fault he likes me better.”

“Okay, fuck you - ”

“Both of you are children and Takeru likes me best,” Hajime says in a monotone from the bed. “Now shut up, I have four essays to write.”

Tooru and Kuroo both pout, but Hajime doesn’t look up.

○ ○ ○

“You’re not getting out of bed,” Hajime says, and Tooru shakes his head, trying to squirm out of his grip. “You have a 40 degree fever, Shittykawa; if you move I’ll punch you so you get knocked out.”

“S’not that bad,” Tooru says, though he sort of feels like he’s weightless and if he gets out of his bed he’ll float away and never come back.  _ Am I dying? Is this what death feels like? _

“You’re way worse at lying when you’re sick and you know it,” Hajime says. “I don’t have classes until one o’clock today, so I’m staying here until then and Kuroo’s taking over after.”

“I’m not a baby,” Tooru whines. “I can take care of myself.”

Hajime stares at him. “We both know that’s not true.”

“So,” Tooru coughs and he feels like his spleen just left his body, “rude, Iwa-chan.”

“I won’t survive college without you,” Hajime says in a scarily accurate impression of Tooru’s voice.

“I did it for a year,” Tooru snaps. Hajime flinches back as if he’s been electrocuted. “Sorry, I - I get mean when I’m sick. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Hajime says, but his voice is tinny and quiet. “I’m gonna study now, so, um, go to sleep or something.”

Tooru hates himself.

○ ○ ○

When he wakes up again, Kuroo’s in the spot where Hajime was before. “Oh, you’re up. Do you need, like, tea or something? Ginger helps with fevers.”

“You say ginger helps with  _ everything _ ,” Tooru groans, his voice muffled by his pillow.

“Because it does,” Kuroo says calmly. “Do you want me to make it or not? I can put honey in it, too.”

“You’re so much nicer when I’m sick,” Tooru sniffles, sitting up and wincing when all the blood leaves his head, leaving him dizzy. “Just like Iwa-chan.” He blinks. “Ah, before I fell asleep I said something kind of mean. I mean it was - it was true, but I said it in a mean way, so did - ”

“Iwaizumi didn’t seem mad when I saw him, no,” Kuroo interrupts. “And you probably didn’t even say anything that bad.”

Tooru opens his mouth and it feels like something’s stuck inside. “I hope so,” he finally says, helplessly. “I - one time in high school I said I wouldn’t survive college without him, and he brought it up today as a joke and I said that I did for one year.”

“That’s not terrible at all,” Kuroo says - squints at the pot. “What the hell did you even put in here? Why is it bright red?”

“Yeah, but - ”

“He’s not mad,” Kuroo says, throwing Tooru a careful glance before looking back at the pot and scrubbing it vigorously. “Trust me; he just seemed worried. If anything, he seemed mad at you for trying to get out of bed in the first place.”

Tooru coughs out a laugh.

“Lie back down,” Kuroo orders, now glaring at the pot. “I’m serious. What the hell did you do?”

“Interactive art project,” Tooru says with a hand wave. “For Introductory Psych.”

“Wait, what the - this is  _ paint? _ ”

○ ○ ○

“You’re not,” Hajime swallows the celebratory ramen they’d made after after Tooru’s fever had gone down, “seriously mad, are you? About the whole - not talking for a year thing.”

“No,” Tooru says, far too quickly and emphatically. He closes his eyes - takes a moment to compose himself - offers Hajime a dazzling grin. “No, of course not. That was my fault, anyway.” He pauses. “It’s weird to think that this year’s ending soon, though; isn’t it? And then we go home again and talk to Mattsun and Makki.” He gasps. “I haven’t seen your mom in forever; can I meet her again?”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “No,” he says flatly, smiling in the way only Tooru can ever seem to catch, “you can’t see my mom who you’ve known almost as long as I have, Shittykawa.”

“Well, I’m not sure if she likes me,” Tooru says defensively.

“Your mom doesn’t like me for a very specific reason, and my mom’s always talking about how fun you are and how,” he pitches his voice higher, “ _ Hajime, it’s been so long since you’ve brought Tooru here and he was always so sweet to me.” _

“Your mom’s so much nicer than you, Iwa-chan,” Tooru hums. “You should tell her I miss her.”

“You can tell her yourself when you come over.” Tooru beams, trying to ruffle Hajime’s hair, and Hajime ducks his head, laughing.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” he blurts, suddenly. Hajime looks at him. “I mean, again. I’m glad we’re friends again.”

“Yeah,” Hajime replies, and his smile is soft, “me too.”

○ ○ ○

“Tooru!” Hajime’s mother exclaims. “Oh, it’s been so long; I was starting to wonder if you and Hajime had a falling out.” Tooru refuses to let his face fall for a moment, instead beaming wider.

“Of course not. Iwa-chan and I are best friends forever,” he drawls, patting Hajime’s back. “Right, Iwa-chan?” Hajime glares - rolls his eyes.

“I wish we weren’t,” he says, struggling not to smile.

“See? He didn’t deny it.”

Hajime’s mother laughs and beckons them to sit down. “Hajime, would you be a dear and grab the good candles?”

“We have good candles?” Hajime asks.

“The ones that smell like vanilla and coconut,” Hajime’s mother clarifies. Hajime  _ ah _ s and walks out of the room to find them. Hajime’s mother turns to Tooru. “I missed having you here,” she says with a smile. “You’re good for Hajime. He smiles more when you’re around.”

“Well,” Tooru says, blushing despite his best efforts to maintain his expression, “I smile more when he’s around.” Hajime’s mother looks at him, and there’s something knowing in her eyes that reminds him of how Hajime used to look at him when he’d catch him staring.

“I’m glad,” she says. “Do you want cookies?”

“Yes, please,” Tooru says with a wide grin, and they both laugh.

○ ○ ○

“I haven’t been to your room since...” Tooru pauses, putting a finger to his lip, pretending he doesn’t remember the exact moment. “Two years ago, shit.” Hajime stares at his walls as if they’re a stranger’s.

“Yeah,” he says. “I haven’t been here since last year.” He snorts. “It’s weird; I thought Mom would’ve bought, like, a dog or something by now.”

“I wish she brought a dog,” Tooru groans. “It would be so much cuter than you. And better company.”

“Rude,” Hajime snaps, and there’s an edge to his voice that makes Tooru pause.

“You know I’m joking, right? You’re, um,” Tooru looks away - smiles self-consciously, “you’re good company. Also cute.” He looks back at Hajime, who’s a flattering shade of pink. “Like right now, you’re super cute. I mean, you’re always super cute, but especially right now.”

“Oikawa,” Hajime says, and it sounds like there’s something stuck in his throat. “Would you hate it if I kissed you?”

“I - I mean,” Tooru stammers, “it would be pretty out of left field but I wouldn’t - ”

Hajime’s lips are on his before he can say anything else, but it’s over before he can respond.

“Sorry,” Hajime mutters. “I shouldn’t have - I shouldn’t have done that, sorry.”

Tooru just kisses him again, cupping his jaw and smiling when Hajime sighs into it, parting his lips slightly. He leans back. “I won’t run away this time,” he promises. “I’m not an angsty high schooler anymore.”

“Okay,” Hajime says. He closes his eyes and laughs quietly. “I’ve, um - I’ve liked you for a really long time,” he confesses.

“Yeah,” Tooru breathes. “Yeah, me too.”

○ ○ ○

Of course things go wrong just after, because Tooru’s life can never find a way to just be good for once.

“You can’t talk to Hajime anymore,” his mother says calmly, chopping onions. “He’s a bad influence, and he always has been.”

“Hajime’s a good influence,” Tooru argues. “He makes me happy; that’s the best influence that you can have, right? And I’m an adult. You can’t control my choices anymore, Mom.”

“Don’t forget who’s paying for your college tuition,” Tooru’s mother warns, voice getting dangerously close to angry. “I’ve seen the things that boy does. He’s not for you.”

“What, because he’s gay?” Tooru asks. His mother stops chopping - turns to him and crosses her arms over the chest like a petulant child, and he realizes he might be more grown up than she is now.

“Yes,” she says. “I can’t have him - corrupting you, or something.”

“Too late,” Tooru mutters, so quietly that he can barely hear it.

“What?”

“Too late,” Tooru repeats. “It’s too fucking late, Mom, because I - I like boys, too. I always have. I always will.”

Tooru’s mother’s jaw slackens before she composes herself again. “Don’t say things you don’t mean just to make me angry.”

“I wouldn’t lie about my sexuality just to make you angry,” Tooru snaps.

“You really think what you’re doing is right?” she asks, eyes blazing.

“I’m not  _ doing _ anything, and yes.”

“You’re not my son,” she says, shaking her head. “My son wouldn’t do this.” Tooru’s always been good at pretending he’s not hurt, so he just smiles.

“I guess I’ll be leaving, then.” He closes his eyes - opens them again. “Goodbye, O-sama.”

“Tooru,” his mother says, and when he begins to walk, she raises her voice. “Tooru, get back here. Don’t leave like that; respect your mother.”

It’s only when he’s at a safe distance that he allows himself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last 1-2k words of this ch are kinda messy but it's fine :// i knew if i messed around with them more it would just get worse ahh D':
> 
> this might be four chapters instead of three so. yknow. theres that
> 
> what are your thoughts on all of this!! also if any of you watch 13 reasons why could you talk to me about the latest season because honestly i couldn't make it through it all; i hated it so much and a lot of it felt unnecessary and just there for shock value :/
> 
> thank you all so much for reading, i hope you have a lovely day ♡


	3. come on (let's sleep in my bed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> college is hard, but as long as tooru has hajime, it's worth it.
> 
> (this is mostly fluff tbh... they deserve it im sorry)

Tooru, much to the surprise of everyone, including himself, sleeps over at Hanamaki’s house that night. “Hey,” Hanamaki says when he sees him, noticing the tears streaking his cheeks. “Are you - are you okay?” He sighs. “That was a stupid question; come in.”

“I don’t know why I came here,” he admits in a croak long after he’s been led to Hanamaki’s room and onto his bed, wiping his eyes. “I just - I don’t know.” He sniffles. “I don’t know,” he repeats.

“You - you and Iwaizumi are talking again; I know that,” Hanamaki says, eyes round. “Did you figure anything out?”

“We kissed,” Tooru says, and even the memory can’t bring a smile to his face, though it does come close. “It was nice. But, um, I accidentally came out to my mom, and - and she didn’t take it well and she said,” he hiccups, “I’m not her son, so I just walked out.”

“You can stay here for as long as you want,” Hanamaki says. Tooru shakes his head.

“I’ll probably stay at Iwa-chan’s after tonight,” he says, embarrassed. “I shouldn’t have even come here, sorry.”

“You’re fine,” Hanamaki says, waving his hand. “We’re still friends. I’m still here for you. Have you eaten? Do you want dinner?”

“I, um,” Tooru says. “Sorry.”

“Again,” Hanamaki says calmly, “you’re fine. We’re friends. This is what friends do.”

### ♡

“You fu - freaking jerk, I called thirteen times,” Terumi hisses as soon as Tooru picks up. “Takeru won’t stop bothering me about where you went.”

“I came out to Mom,” Tooru explains. “On accident, kind of. So I can’t come home.”

There’s silence on the other end for a long moment. “I’m sorry,” she says, finally. “I can talk to her.” He shakes his head before remembering she can’t see.

“No, don’t do that,” he says. “I don’t want you to say,” he coughs out a hoarse laugh, “you’re not her daughter or something.”

“What the fu - heck?” Terumi asks, shocked. “She said that? What the - what the fuck.” Tooru hears Takeru’s gleeful shriek of _Mom swore!_ , but he ignores it. “You and Hajime… how are you both doing?”

“We kissed,” Tooru says, laughing when Terumi gasps. “Which kind of, um, led to this whole thing. I’ll probably be staying at his place until we go back.”

“Smart move,” she agrees. “Mom just texted me; she sounds pissed. Something about how I should keep Takeru away from you in case anything happens; what the _fuck_.” She sighs. “Takeru, I know I swore; please be quiet I’m talking to Uncle Tooru right now - ah, he’s grabbing my phone. I’ll visit Hajime’s place later to talk to you, if that’s all right?”

“I’ll ask,” he says, knowing the answer is yes.

“You’ll ask what?” Takeru chirps.

“If you and your mom can come visit me and Iwa-chan,” Tooru replies, grinning at Takeru’s pleased yell of _Iwa-san!_

“Why aren’t you at Baba’s house?” Takeru asks.

“Ah, Baba and I,” he grimaces, “got into a fight, so I won’t be staying there anymore.”

“What’d you fight about?”

“Your mom will tell you if she wants to,” Tooru decides after a moment. “I don’t think it’s my decision if you know.”

“Okay,” Takeru agrees. “I’m gonna visit every day until you guys leave.”

“Takeru,” Tooru hums, “you really do love me.”

“No,” Takeru says shamelessly, like the awful nephew he is. “I love Iwa-san.”

Tooru scoffs and hangs up, feeling immensely better than he did before.

### ♡

“How does it feel?” Hajime asks as they’re both sitting and watching _E.T._ again, fingers casually interwoven. Whenever Tooru looks down at their hands, he feels like beaming. “Like, after you came out to your mom and everything; are you - are you okay?”

“I don’t,” he sighs, “know. I mean.” He smiles at Hajime - leans against him. “I’m really happy with this, but I miss having… a mom, I guess. Like all that - that cheesy stuff about childhood memories and stuff; it’s all tainted. That doesn’t feel like the right word, but I think that’s what it is.” He closes his eyes. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Yeah,” Hajime says. “Let’s not talk about it.”

He pauses.

“Just so you know, I’m not gonna be nice to you just because we’re dating now,” he says. Tooru frowns against his neck.

“Isn’t that what a boyfriend’s supposed to do, though? You’re supposed to help my ego.”

“Your ego doesn’t need help,” Hajime says, and they both snicker. Tooru twists his head up and kisses Hajime lightly, smiling against his lips and thinking that he’ll never get tired of this.

### ♡

“Oji,” Takeru says seriously. Tooru blinks down at him. “I heard you and Iwa-san are dating now.” When Tooru looks at Terumi, she just shrugs with a hopelessly amused grin. “I just want to make sure that you treat him well, because I don’t want Iwa-san to get hurt.”

“You’re supposed to - you’re supposed to give this speech to Iwa-chan,” Tooru says, indignantly. “I’m your uncle, not him.”

“He’s less mean,” Takeru says innocently. Tooru scowls when Hajime snickers. “Oh - ah, and I wanted to say,” he screws his eyes shut like Terumi does when she’s trying to memorize something, “I support you two and your relationship. I’m an openminded child, and I love my uncle no matter what.” He grins impishly. “Even though I love Iwa-san more.” Hajime high-fives him.

“Don’t force your kid to memorize speeches so that you can make me feel better,” Tooru snaps.

“Two sentences is hardly a speech,” Terumi says, rolling her eyes. “And I didn’t force him to memorize anything. He did that all on his own.”

Tooru’s heart melts just a little bit. He ruffles Takeru’s hair, grinning. “You’re a good nephew, Takeru.”

“If you and Iwa-san get married, then I’ll finally have a cool uncle,” Takeru breathes, excited. Hajime starts to cough violently, and Tooru manages to splutter out an _I’m a cool uncle!_ even as he feels his face turning inhumanly red.

### ♡

“It’s weird how this feels more like home than any of my actual homes,” Tooru says as he lies on the floor in Kuroo’s new apartment. (Well, not new - he’s had it for six months, but Tooru likes the feel of the words _new_ and _apartment_ together in his mouth, even if it’s not describing anything of his own.) “You know? Like, I have the dorm and - and I had my mom’s house, but neither of them feel like home.”

“I get it,” Kuroo says, kicking his legs up on his bed. “Kind of. I think so, anyway. Are you going to get off the floor, or are you just gonna lie there until someone moves you?”

“Probably just lie here,” Tooru answers, honestly. “Mom texted me yesterday.” Kuroo’s easy grin snaps off his face, and he stares.

“What did she say?”

“Same old,” Tooru says flippantly. “She’s tried her hardest to understand but she can’t accept a freak as her son.” He swallows the other word she’d used - something harsher and uglier that Tooru’s heard in the hallways of his high school, following a few unlucky boys around like a mold.

“No offense to your mom, but she sounds like a bitch,” Kuroo says. He never really gets angry, but sometimes Tooru can recognize the shift in tone - the way it smooths out, like he’s trying to encase himself before he explodes. Tooru hums.

“Runs in the family,” he says with a grin. He pauses. “She did say something true, though.” Kuroo raises an eyebrow. “She said,” Tooru swallows, “I’d never be able to get married to him, like, for real. Not that I’m even thinking of marriage or anything, but it’s probably true. That annoys me a little bit.”

“The only thing separating a real marriage from an unreal one is a stupid paper certificate,” Kuroo hums, like he’s had this conversation several times before. (Judging from his friend circle, he definitely has, Tooru realizes.)

“And visitation rights,” Tooru says, glumly. “And tax breaks, and adoption.”

“Times are changing, anyway,” Kuroo continues. “So who knows?”

“Yeah,” Tooru agrees. “Who knows?”

### ♡

Times are not changing as much as Tooru had hoped.

He’s out with one of his sort-of friends - a girl named Reiko, with large dark eyes and dyed purple hair and a penchant for gossipping that Tooru loves to indulge. “Oh, you’re not gonna believe this,” she says with a devilish grin as they take seats at a nearby diner. Tooru grins back.

“I definitely am,” he says after they order.

“Okay, so you know Asahi Azumane? The culinary major - the really scary looking one with the man bun,” Reiko elaborates. Tooru leans back in his chair.

“I played volleyball against him a few times in high school, actually,” he says. “He’s pretty shy, which is weird, given,” he gestures wildly, “his everything.”

“Huh,” she says, thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t have guessed. Anyway, according to Takahashi, he’s dating a _boy_ \- a second year from a different school. Isn’t that crazy? I never would’ve thought he’d be… like that.” Their drinks arrive - Cherry Pepsi for Tooru and water for Reiko.

He blinks. “Oh, it’s probably Noya-kun. I’m glad, even if it took them like three years to figure it out.”

“But a boy,” Reiko repeats, and Tooru’s heart sinks through his stomach into oblivion. “Isn’t that weird?”

“Not really,” he says lightly. “It’s the same thing as if he had a girlfriend, isn’t it?”

She pushes around the ice in her glass with her straw. Each _clink_ makes Tooru want to push the glass out of her hands. “I guess,” she admits, reluctantly. “I don’t know. It feels strange. Stuff like that isn’t supposed to happen.”

“If it wasn’t supposed to happen,” he says, straining to keep his voice just as cheery as it was before, “it wouldn’t happen, Rei-chan.” He folds his hands against his knees and digs his nails in. “I’m happy for him. Really, if you saw how they were around each other, you would be too. It was exhausting to watch.”

“I’m not going to argue with you,” Reiko says, but she seems disappointed.

“I should catch up with him sometime,” Tooru says in a feeble attempt to change the subject. “His team beat ours in our third year, because of an asshole genius and his crazy short friend.” She raises a curious eyebrow.

“How short?” she asks. “He can’t be that small if he plays volleyball.”

“Around 165 centimeters,” he replies, “if I’m being generous.” Reiko’s jaw drops, and as she lets Tooru chatter about how awful Kageyama was, all conversation about Asahi is forgotten.

### ♡

“Kageyama’s going here now,” Hajime says. They’re sitting outside,  “Did you know? He’s trying out for the volleyball team, according to Daichi, but obviously he would.”

“No,” Tooru says. He sits up and closes his eyes, rubbing his thumbs over his eyelids.

“Yes,” Hajime replies, grinning unabashedly. Tooru pinches him. “Ow, asshole, don’t _hurt_ me - he’s a good asset; that’s why I’m smiling. If we have him, we can crush Ushiwaka’s team more than we already did.” Tooru smiles at the memory, but frowns again just after.

“Don’t distract me,” he snaps. “Beating Ushiwaka isn’t worth dealing with Tobio.” He pauses. “Is it? It might be, actually - I shouldn’t even have to consider this. This is ridiculous. Why does he follow me around everywhere?”

“He doesn’t,” Hajime says, “and he’s a good asset and a nice kid.”

“You only say that because he had a crush on you in middle school,” Tooru says, rolling his eyes.

“He didn’t have a crush on me in middle school,” Hajime replies, calmly. His lip twitches. “You’re just a jealous asshole.”

“He totally had a crush on you,” Tooru corrects. “Remember? He’d always smile at you, and he never smiles. He barely smiles at that shrimp friend of his and everyone knows they’re in love or something.”

“He smiled at me so that I’d be nice enough to let him follow you around everywhere - in _middle school_ , not now - without being weird about it,” Hajime explains. “He had a crush on you, not me.”

Tooru gasps. “No.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t think - no,” Tooru says, more firmly this time. “He definitely had a crush on you.” Hajime shrugs.

“We can ask him tomorrow, because Kuroo’s holding a welcome party for him and Tsukishima - you remember him; he was Glasses - and we’re going.”

“You’re going without me,” Tooru says petulantly. Hajime throws him an unimpressed glare. “Okay,” he relents. “Fine. But I won’t enjoy it.” He scoffs. “I can’t believe we got the two least fun members of that team.”

### ♡

Tooru’s enjoying the party immensely, and he hates it. “So,” he says, lurching into a seat beside Kageyama and pulling Hajime down with him, “did you have a crush on me or Iwa-chan in middle school?”

“Congratulations on getting accepted here,” Hajime says, elbowing Tooru sharply. “I’m sorry my boyfriend’s an idiot.” Tooru looks around to make sure he didn’t say it too loudly, and he smiles innocently when Hajime raises an eyebrow.

“Oh,” Kageyama says. “You’re gay now?”

Tooru snickers. “Bisexual,” he corrects. “He’s gay. And we always were.”

“What’s - what’s bisexual?” Kageyama asks. There’s an edge to his voice.

“It’s when you like boys and girls and people that are neither sometimes,” Tooru says. Kageyama blinks.

“I think I’m bisexual, then,” he says after a moment, thoughtfully.

“Oh my god,” Hajime says gleefully. “He’s you but without the angst.” Tooru glares.

“You didn’t answer my question, Tobio-chan,” he says lightly with a sharp grin. “Did you have a crush on me or Hajime when we were in middle school? We have a bet going.”

“Stop scaring him,” Hajime hisses.

“I’m not scared,” Kageyama snaps, folding his arms over his chest. “And I had a crush on you,” he motions at Tooru, “at first, but it stopped once I realized you were a dick.” Hajime laughs when Tooru splutters weakly.

“You’ve gotten a lot less angry,” he notes. Kageyama does something with his face that Tooru thinks must be a smile.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Yelling at Hinata for three years taught me that there’s no use getting mad over nothing.”

“How’s that going, by the way?” Tooru asks. “The whole thing with Chibi-chan.”

Kageyama stares blankly.

“What whole thing with Chi - Hinata?”

“How you’ve like, liked each other for years and stuff but never talked about it,” Tooru says, dismissing the quick elbow to the rib he gets from Hajime. “Did you sort that out?”

“I don’t like him,” Kageyama scoffs. “I was never - that’s not what - he’s a dumbass.” He sounds closer to the first year Tooru remembers. “I could never love a dumbass - ”

“I never said anything about love,” Tooru says, and this party is far more fun than he thought. Kageyama stares at him, horrified, before continuing.

“And anyway, he’s so short that if I tried to kiss him I probably wouldn’t be able to reach down there so it’s not even logically _feasible_ \- ”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hajime says appeasingly, somehow watching Kageyama chug his beer like it’s water and glaring at Tooru simultaneously. “Sometimes Shittykawa says things that are wrong. Actually, it happens almost all the time. He’s never right about anything, ever.”

“Am I in love with Hinata?” Kageyama asks, dumbfounded. “No. Right? No. He’s a dumbass. I can’t love a dumbass.”

“You’re a dumbass, too,” Tooru hums. Kageyama’s eyes widen.

“No.”

“So are you planning to try out for the volleyball team?” Hajime asks, a little desperately, but Kageyama’s now staring at his hands blankly and saying nothing. “This is a _party_ ,” Hajime hisses at Tooru, who just smiles. “It’s a happy event; you’re not supposed to break him - ”

“I just asked a question!”

“I’m going to talk to Tsukishima and Kuroo now,” Hajime says. He closes his eyes. “You deal with - with your disciple over here. Jesus Christ, he really is just like you.”

“He is _not_ ,” Tooru says. Kageyama’s still staring at his hands. “Take that back.” Hajime just shrugs, putting his hands to his mouth and hiding a smile as he leaves.

“What did you do?” Kageyama asks after an awkward two minutes. “When you realized, um - when you realized you liked him?”

“I ran,” Tooru says, wincing. “And then I didn’t talk to him for a year, and then it took another entire year for us to get together, so I don’t recommend it.” He sighs - is he really going to help Kageyama now? Is that what his life has come to? “I think you should just talk to Chibi-chan. He likes you too; even your captain could tell and he’s, like, the worst at figuring out this stuff.” He pauses. “Even I could tell, and I’m, like, the worst at figuring out this stuff.”

“You’re sure,” Kageyama says, and he’s blushing and Tooru cannot _believe_ he’s sympathizing with the kid that took everything from him. “You’re sure he likes me?”

“Absolutely,” Tooru answers, his tone uncharacteristically gentle. “Call him when you’re not drinking a ridiculous amount and talking about your miserable romantic life to your middle school volleyball captain, though.”

“Right,” Kageyama sighs. “Yeah. I’ll do that.” He pauses. “You’re different from high school, I think.”

“I’d hope so,” Tooru hums. “Is that good?”

“Yeah,” Kageyama says. He does that thing that’s almost a smile again, but this time, it feels more genuine. “I think it is.”

### ♡

“So what’s it like?” Hajime asks, lip quirking as he and Tooru hold hands on the way back to their dorms. _It’s not weird,_ Tooru thinks. _No one’ll notice because we held hands before we got together, too. It’s fine. We’re fine._

He hates himself.

“What’s what like?” he asks, a moment too late. Hajime blinks but doesn’t say anything.

“Being a good person to Kageyama. Does it feel nice? Did you finally get over him being better than you in middle school?” he asks, and now he’s smiling and it’s adorable. Tooru turns his nose up petulantly, hiding his own smile.

“Please,” he says. “He’s still the worst.”

“Maybe next you’ll give Ushiwaka romantic advice,” Hajime continues, and Tooru lightly slaps his arm.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Hajime laughs.

“Are you going to take another two years to get back with me?”

“Stop,” Tooru whines. “You’re so mean. And I can’t believe you’d assume I’d get back with you; maybe I’ll just move on and start dating - uh, I don’t know,” he shuts his eyes, trying to think of someone he finds even mildly attractive after beginning to date Hajime, “like, Kuroo or something.”

“Oh, right,” Hajime says, “because you had a crush on him freshman year.”

“No - I hate you,” Tooru groans. He notices a girl staring at them - or, he thinks she’s staring; he can’t be sure, but it’s better to be safe. He pulls away from Hajime, who looks confused and a little stung. “If we keep talking, we’re gonna take forever to get home,” he explains, forcing a grin. “See you tomorrow?”

“I - yeah,” Hajime says, stepping back. “See you tomorrow.”

### ♡

“I have a question,” Kuroo says, closing his eyes. “You’re like, my best friend other than Kenma now, unfortunately - ”

“Anyone’s fortunate to be friends with me,” Tooru interrupts smoothly with a smile.

Kuroo sighs. “Like I was saying, you’re my best friend, so I should trust you for advice even if you have the worst romantic history out of anyone I know.”

“Iwa-chan has an equally bad romantic history,” Tooru points out. “Because we pretty much have the same romantic history. Plus I was like, almost dating him for our entire lives until - um, until the thing happened.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t his fault, so you’re worse,” Kuroo says definitively. Tooru can’t think of an argument. “Anyway, should I - is it - let’s say,” he finally settles on, the most flustered Tooru’s ever seen him, “you’ve been dating this guy since like, your second year of high school, right? And you really love him and you’re pretty sure he really loves you, and like, you can’t imagine life without him at all, and now you’re in your third year of college so you’ve been dating five years - ”

“I can do math, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru says gently. Kuroo pauses.

“Right. Yeah. Also you’ve like, talked about what married life would be like, except you’re not really sure if he thinks of it as a joke or not because you can’t really ever tell if he’s joking; that’s the one thing you still can’t read, honestly. So is that - should I - I mean, would you propose? In that situation? Would that make sense for you and this person?”

Tooru’s mouth falls open. “Don’t - this is a hypothetical situation,” Kuroo reiterates, turning red. “So don’t freak out.” Tooru stares. “It’s not a hypothetical situation, but still, don’t freak out.”

“Okay,” Tooru says with a smile, “in this non-hypothetical situation, I’d say definitely propose to Kenma-chan because he’ll love it and he’ll definitely accept.”

Kuroo closes his eyes. “Cool,” he breathes. “Sounds cool. Yeah. I’ll, um - I’ll let you know how it goes if I decide to - to, uh, do that. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Tooru says, beaming.

### ♡

Tooru still has to remind himself it’s okay to stare now.

Hajime’s laughing at something stupid Matsukawa said over the phone, and Tooru feels like he’s doing something wrong by savoring the expression, memorizing how his nose scrunches up and how his eyes crinkle and he claps his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. He still feels like he needs to look away and think about the nearest pretty girl, but he doesn’t. He’s allowed to be happy.

 _I’m allowed to be happy,_ he repeats internally, watching as Hajime wildly flails in an attempt to explain something that happened at a coffee shop with a study group.

“I love you,” Tooru says just after Hajime hangs up. “Like, a lot.”

Hajime blinks.

“I love you too, dumbass,” he says easily, dropping his phone onto the bed. “Is there a specific reason you felt the need to say that, or - ”

“Not really,” Tooru says, smiling at the way Hajime’s brows knit in obvious confusion. “I just love you.”

“You’re so weird,” Hajime snorts, but he’s smiling softly.

It’s only after Hajime’s fallen asleep that Tooru realizes this is the first time he’s said it since they started dating.

### ♡

“What’s it like?” Terumi asks. “Being in a cool solid relationship? Do you like it?”

“It’s good,” Tooru answers, glancing at Hajime, who’s currently bent over his notes, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he attempts to concentrate. He resists the urge to walk over and kiss him. “We’re at the library right now, though, so maybe not the best time to call.”

“It’s always a good time to call your favorite brother,” Terumi says cheerfully. “Don’t hang up on me or I’ll tell Takeru about the time you broke that toy robot cat he really loved - ”

“Okay, Jesus, no need to pull out the big guns,” he hisses. “How - how’s your thing? Like, are you still looking for relationships or something?”

“Oh!” she says, excited. “Yes, actually; I, uh, met this guy, and he’s a couple years younger than me but he’s super tall and really sweet. Apparently his little brother plays college volleyball, too, which is such a weird coincidence.”

“Really?” he asks, interest piqued. “What’s his name?”

“Tsukishima Akiteru,” Terumi answers.

“Oh,” Tooru says, and then, “oh my god.” Hajime looks over and raises an eyebrow. _I’ll tell you later,_ Tooru mouths.

“What? Do you know the name?”

“He - he goes here,” Tooru says. “He’s a freshman on my team.” He never knew Tsukishima well - in fact, all he’s ever known about him is that for some reason, Kuroo loves him, and he’s a huge bitch - so he can’t imagine going to family functions and making small talk with his brother, who’s apparently sweet.

 _Oh,_ Tooru remembers. _I don’t go to family functions anymore._

“But, um, from how you described his brother,” he continues, ignoring the pang in his chest, “he seems different from the kid I know, so that’s… good, I think.”

“All I said was tall and sweet,” Terumi says, amused.

“Tsukishima isn’t sweet,” Tooru explains, rubbing his hand over his face. “At all.” The librarian glares at him - annoying, because she’s in his English class and she’s definitely failing, so she has no right to be policing the library anyway. “Ah, shit; I have to go. Tell Takeru I love him.”

“Will do,” she replies. “Bye.”

### ♡

“So,” Tsukishima says, tilting his head and staring at Tooru the way one would examine a foreign specimen, “your sister and my brother are dating now.”

Tooru hums noncommittally, glaring when Kuroo laughs. “I’ve heard, yeah.”

“Does that mean we have to be nice to each other at family events and stuff?” he asks coolly.

“I’m not really invited to family events and stuff anymore, so that’s not a problem,” Tooru says, just as coolly. Tsukishima’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly for a moment, but he nods.

“He really likes her,” he says instead of pressing the topic, which Tooru appreciates. “He’s been a total ass about it, though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t like him.” His tone is guarded. Tooru narrows his eyes.

“She does,” Tooru says, carefully. “She likes him a lot. I hope he’ll treat her and Takeru well.” Kuroo’s eyes dart between them. He looks like he’s having the time of his life.

“He will,” Tsukishima says. “I don’t know if he knows how to be mean. I’m assuming she’ll do the same.”

“She will,” Tooru says with a gleaming smile. “She’s much nicer than I am.” Tsukishima seems to take it as a threat, and he steps back, frowning.

“That’s good. I’ll see you at practice, Great King,” he says.

“Bye, Glasses-kun,” Tooru says, waving as Tsukishima walks away. Kuroo snickers. “What?”

“I feel like,” he says, “if you guys ever stopped being so weird and fake around each other, you’d be good friends.”

“Don’t insult me like that, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru yelps, offended. “I could never be friends with a robot; I’m not you.”

“He’s not a robot,” Kuroo argues. “He’s a good person when you - get past everything.” Tooru shrugs, and they both leave the subject behind.

### ♡

“Only one and three quarters years left and then we get actual jobs,” Tooru says, a little wistfully as they meet up after their midterms.

“You’re aiming for a PhD and I’m going into med school,” Hajime replies with a small smile. “It’s awhile before either of us get actual jobs.”

“But _still_ ,” Tooru insists. “Isn’t that weird to think about? We’re graduating soon.”

“One and three quarters years is a long time,” Hajime says. “You look nice today, by the way.” His eyes flick over Tooru appreciatively. “That’s a good shirt on you.”

“I always look nice,” Tooru says airily, though the red rising to his cheeks betrays him. “You look,” he takes a moment to admire the way the tank top fits snug against Hajime’s body, “good, too.” Hajime grins.

“I’m glad you’re not calling me ugly all the time anymore,” he says. “It’s good you stopped overcompensating.”

“I was never - I called you ugly, like - like one time.”

“Like one million times,” Hajime corrects. “But it’s okay, I forgive you.” Tooru continues to protest, only shutting up for a moment when Hajime kisses him lightly. He looks around and makes eye contact with a girl he sort of knows, who’s staring.

_Shit._

He just glares.

### ♡

“Oikawa,” Reiko says, frowning. “Amari told me she saw you and your, uh, friend with the arms kissing.”

“Yeah, well,” Tooru says, consciously keeping his voice airy, “Amari also lied about getting pregnant twice to keep her boyfriend around. She’s not exactly a trustworthy source.” Reiko visibly eases, grinning.

“I forgot about that,” she snickers. “What a desperate move, honestly.” She pauses. “So it’s not true, then?”

“Of course not,” he replies, rolling his eyes and ignoring the way his tongue feels like lead. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, gay people are fine and everything - ” Reiko lets out a small _hm_ of disagreement, which Tooru pretends not to hear. “But I’m not… I’m not like that.”

This feels like high school and he hates it.

“That’s cool,” Reiko says. Her smile is sharp. “I got worried for a second.”

Tooru snorts. “Don’t try to ask me out, though; I’m still too good for you.”

“Please,” she says. “I’m not the one who hasn’t been in a serious relationship since college started.” _Except I am in one now, and I’m lying about it, like a liar._

“Whatever,” he mutters instead. Reiko laughs. He’s glad she can’t see through his smile.

### ♡

“Um,” a voice comes from behind him, “Oikawa-san? Could I talk to you for a second?”

“She’s holding an envelope,” Hajime murmurs into Tooru’s ear. His heart sinks. “What, does this not happen often anymore?”

“People gave up envelopes after high school,” Tooru replies, turning around and beaming. “Hi, Hironaka-san.”

“I, um, think you should have this,” she says, bowing her head and handing him an envelope with a box of chocolates. “I was wondering if we could go out sometime? On, uh, something like a date, maybe.” She’s cute, with short dark hair and round eyes.

“Oh,” Tooru coughs. “Hironaka-san, you’re a really great person and all, but I, uh…” He glances at Hajime, who’s looking at him inquisitively. “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, sorry.” Hajime’s brows furrow. He looks a little betrayed.

“I could - I could help you,” Hironaka says with a smile that’s on the edge of desperate. “I mean, that sounded weird, but just because you aren’t looking for something doesn’t mean it’s bad if you find it, right?”

“No, Hironaka-san, you don’t - you’re a good friend,” a lie, he barely knows her, but it’ll probably appease her, “and I really do admire and appreciate your courage,” that part’s half true; he does admire her, even if he’s not the most appreciative at the moment, “but I’m - I’m dating someone.” _Oh, fuck._ Can he make up a girl that goes to a different college? No, that screams lies unless he can find photographic proof, _fuck_.

“Oh. Could I ask, um - who?” she asks. He can’t back out now, he thinks, especially when Hironaka’s as persistent as she is.

“Iwa-chan. Um, Iwaizumi, over there,” he says. Hajime lifts an awkward hand to wave. _Shit,_ Tooru thinks. _Shit, shit, shit shit shit…_

Hironaka steps back - smiles awkwardly. “Oh. Okay, then. Um, I’ll see you later then, Oikawa-san. Bye.”

“You weren’t ready to be out to the college yet,” Hajime says as they walk away. It’s not a question so much as a statement.

“I’m sorry,” Tooru says, and it’s as much of an answer as he’s able to give. Hajime stops walking.

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks. “You don’t have to - I understand why you wouldn’t want to be out. We run in different friend groups; yours isn’t - as great with all of the gay stuff as mine, not to mention all the shit that went down with your mom. I get it.” Tooru sits down on the grass - buries his face in his hands.

“I wish,” he says, in a small voice, “sometimes you’d be less understanding, so I could be the good boyfriend for once.”

“You’re always the good boyfriend,” Hajime replies, instantly.

“That’s something the good boyfriend would say.”

“There can be more than one good boyfriend in a relationship, stupid,” Hajime sighs, carding his hands through Tooru’s hair. “We can both be the good boyfriend.” He pauses. “Are you sure you’re ready for the whole - the whole dealing with your friends thing?”

Tooru would smile if he didn’t know Hajime could see through it. “I don’t really have a choice now, right?”

### ♡

It’s less dramatic than Tooru thought it would be.

Reiko and a few others back away, and he’s gotten odd looks from a couple people on his team when they’re changing. Tsukishima and Kageyama - the two people Tooru would never expect to come to his defense, ever, but times have changed - both scare them until they stop treating him like some sort of other. Kuroo and Hajime can’t help because they’re in the same situation. (“This has been happening to me since I brought in Kenma for the first time,” Kuroo says with a not-really smile. “You get used to it eventually.”)

He hates going to a small school - only about 3,000 people, a little bit less than the followers he has on fucking _Instagram_ \- because gossip spreads fast. Within the next two weeks, it seems like everyone on campus knows. “I haven’t had this many people staring at me since I was with you in high school with all the jealous fangirls,” Hajime murmurs. “It’s not like we’re the only gay couple on campus.”

“We’re high profile, though,” Tooru explains. “Because we’re both top students in our fields and I’m ridiculously well-liked - ”

“Okay, fuck off; we’re both well-liked,” Hajime snaps. Tooru grins.

“It’s okay, babe,” he says, patting Hajime’s back consolingly. “I love you even if you have absolutely no natural charm.” Before Hajime can argue, he moves on. “The last time people got this interested in something was when Asahi got outed because of Noya, which, again - combination of high profile student and gay rumors.”

“Oh,” Hajime says. “I guess you’re right.” He lets himself smile for a moment. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?”

“It’s all that’s been on my mind,” Tooru replies. “Other than you, obviously. And Kuroo’s proposal and the fact that my sister’s dating Tsukishima’s brother - oh, and that Tsukishima and Tobio are being nice to me at all, even if it is by bullying other people on our team - ”

“I wouldn’t call it bullying as much as being protective,” Hajime corrects. “And none of that stuff is bad. All of that is good except for the - the whole everyone being interested in our relationship all of a sudden thing.” He wrinkles his nose. “Some girl came up to me and asked me who was the seme and who was the uke, because apparently you’re taller and more confident but I seem more aggressive or something - ”

“Gross,” Tooru says, plugging his ears and grimacing. “That’s gross. That’s so gross. Why do people think that’s okay to ask? That’s not even how it works, and - that’s so gross!”

Hajime grins sharply. “Comes with the fame, I guess.”

“That just sounds _cringy_ when it comes from you,” Tooru complains.

“Like it doesn’t sound cringy when it comes from you.”

“Mean, Iwa-chan,” Tooru reprimands. Hajime just laughs.

### ♡

“I hate,” Tooru says, slouched on his floor and ridiculously hungover, “everything.” Kuroo peers at him over the tops of - those are definitely not Kuroo’s glasses. In fact, Tooru thinks they’re his glasses, but it’s fine.

“Is it the hangover or is there more?”

“It’s,” Tooru gestures vaguely, “everything. It’s - it’s the fact that random people are coming up to me and asking me why I chose to be that way when I could get a ton of girls, which, like, flattering, I _guess_ , and I still could hypothetically get any girl, because I like girls too, but it’s just - I’m in love with Hajime! Why can’t people accept that?” He tilts his head back against the frame of his bed. “Why can’t people just get over it?”

“Well,” Kuroo says, carefully, “after I brought Kenma in, which was way more lowkey than the whole debacle with Hironaka, by the way, people didn’t leave me alone for, like, a good eight months. And he doesn’t go here _and_ he looks pretty androgynous. So with you, it’s like that, but like… you both definitely look like men, and you both go here, and you’re both pretty popular, so like - triple that, I guess.”

“Two years,” Tooru says.

“I’m glad you can multiply,” Kuroo replies gently.

“That’s a really long time.”

“You’ll graduate before then, so really, it’s one and a half, if we’re including vacations.”

“That’s still - that’s still a really long time, Tetsu-chan. I don’t know if you realize, but that’s an incredibly long time.” He closes his eyes. “Distract me. Talk about your proposal plans.”

Kuroo looks at him quizzically. “Didn’t I tell you? I already proposed, and he accepted. We haven’t set a date yet, but the wedding will be in next winter, probably.”

“Wait,” Tooru says, eyes wide. “What the fuck? How’d you do it? Did you do it in front of a crowd, because that’s always the worst option and I don’t even know how he accepted - ”

“I didn’t do it in public,” Kuroo interrupts. “I dressed up as Link from Legend of Zelda. He has pictures,” he says before Tooru can ask, “and he promised not to send them to you, specifically. Are you going to see Takeru and your sister over break?” Tooru shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he says, honestly. “I’ll definitely run into my mom, then, and I can’t - deal with that when all of this is happening too.” Kuroo hums.

“Right,” he says. “I forgot your mom was the world’s biggest asshole.”

“Yeah, well,” Tooru shrugs, “you can’t choose your family, I guess.”

### ♡

Going home is somehow even more annoying than Tooru anticipated.

Despite the fact that the only perk of being ignored by his mother is being able to skip awkwardly making small talk with Tsukishima’s older brother, Terumi decides to go on a double date with him and Hajime anyway.

The older Tsukishima is sweet, and much more open than his brother (they’re both Tsukishima, Tooru remembers, which is even more annoying). Terumi seems to like him a lot, which is good. He’s happy for them, probably, as long as they don’t get weird and force him and Glasses Tsukishima to talk to each other for extended periods of time.

Nonetheless, it’s fun being back for the most part, until the third day.

“Grocery shopping?” he complains as he shoves a cart down an aisle of vegetables and Hajime picks out a few. “On our vacation week?”

“My mom has errands,” Hajime says, “and we’re going to run them because I love her.”

“Don’t insinuate that I don’t love your mom just because I don’t wanna go grocery shopping for two hours on _vacation_.” Hajime’s responding laugh is cut short. “What?” Tooru asks, craning his neck, and _oh, god_ , _why is his mom here? Why today?_

“Don’t hide,” Hajime warns as Tooru begins to crouch. “You’re too tall; it’ll just draw attention. Hopefully, she’ll just ignore us. Keep pushing the cart.”

For a few moments, it feels like everything’s going to be all right. She avoids eye contact, and they do too, until -

“I’m sorry,” Tooru’s mother says, crossing her arms and walking over. “I can’t pretend this isn’t happening.” Hajime determinedly stares at the cabbages. “Tooru, you’re my son.”

“You made it clear,” Tooru says, trying his hardest to keep his voice level, “that I wasn’t your son anymore, and I’m happy sticking to that.”

“Like I’ve said several times, you are welcome to rejoin the family - ”

“If I pretend to be straight so I don’t embarrass you in front of the neighbors,” Tooru says. He smiles but it feels more like he’s baring his teeth. Hajime’s still staring at the cabbages. “We should go.”

“I wouldn’t want a faggot as a son anyway,” his mother says, venomously, and oh - there’s that word again. “You’re such a disappointment, Tooru; I thought you could go places, but you’re even worse than your sister.” Hajime’s head snaps up. He whirls around.

“You don’t get to talk to him like that,” he says. “He’s the top fucking STEM student in our entire school, and he’s gonna be captain of our volleyball team next year. In what fucking world is that a disappointment?”

“You aren’t part of this,” his mother replies, airily. Tooru got his exceptional emotional control from her, and it’s at times like this that he wishes she was more like his sister. “So please leave us alone.”

“I’m his goddamn boyfriend,” Hajime snaps. “And I’ve known him for almost as long as you have, and I didn’t fucking abandon him over something he couldn’t control!”

“We should go,” Tooru says, again. “Iwa-chan, could you pick out a cabbage? I think that’s the last thing we need.” Hajime reluctantly turns back, grabbing a random cabbage and shoving it into a bag. They leave without another word. “At least,” he says upon exiting the supermarket, “we got it over with early. Now we have the rest of the week to enjoy ourselves.”

“She makes me so angry,” Hajime says, and he looks like he’s about to punch the car. “I’m sorry for yelling and everything, but she just - how can you be that awful to your own son and not realize that you’re being that awful?”

“Don’t apologize for yelling,” Tooru says, exhausted. “It’s not - I was mad too; I was just kind of in shock.”

“I’m sorry,” Hajime says.

“I just said don’t apologize; are you deaf - ”

“Not about the yelling,” he clarifies. “I’m just sorry you had to deal with that for eighteen fucking years.”

“I, um,” Tooru closes his eyes and collects his emotions before smiling again, “me too. But it’s done now, I guess.” He pauses. “Let’s go to your house; your mom’s gonna wonder where we’ve been.”

If Hajime can tell Tooru feels like wrapping himself into a cocoon and never speaking again for the rest of the day, he doesn’t mention it.

### ♡

“Tooru,” Terumi shouts. Tooru turns around, smiling when he sees her and Takeru hurrying toward him. “I heard about Mom. I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, well,” Tooru lifts his hands in a shrug, “what can you do?” He turns back around. “If that’s all you’re here to talk about, I’m gonna - go inside, probably, sorry.”

“No, um, actually.” Terumi fidgets. Tooru narrows his eyes. “Takeru wanted to see you and Iwaizumi.”

“You’re awfully nervous,” he says suspiciously. “Are you sure there’s nothing else going on?”

“Could you babysit him while I go out with Akiteru?” she asks with the Oikawa brand winning smile. “Mom and I got into an argument yesterday because of the whole - you know, and I’ve been pushing off meeting his parents for like, a while - ”

“How long is a while?”

“Three months,” she coughs. “I’m sure they’re lovely, but it’s like, a big step and everything, and it’s been a long fucking time since I’ve been in a real relationship, so, y’know.”

“Hold on; let me decide,” Tooru says. “Takeru! What’s your favorite movie?”

“E.T.,” Takeru says. “Obviously. You ask me this every time we talk.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Tooru confirms. Terumi hugs him.

“You’re the best brother I’ve ever had,” she says. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m still the only brother you’ve ever had,” he grumbles as she practically runs away. Hajime walks out of the front door into the garden where they’re standing - looks at Takeru, then Tooru, then Takeru again.

“I’m not hallucinating,” he says. “You’re really here, right?”

“Iwa-san,” Takeru groans. “You’re supposed to be the smart one.” Both Tooru and Hajime make offended noises at that. “You get to hang out with me for an entire day because Mom’s going on a date with her boyfriend. Aren’t you excited?”

Hajime glances at Tooru again, exasperated and amused. “He really is just like you,” he says. Takeru wrinkles his nose, and Hajime laughs at Tooru’s expression.

 _Is this going to be the rest of my life?_ Tooru thinks before looking down at his shoes like they’ve betrayed him. _Did I just think about Hajime in terms of life partner?_

Holy shit.

### ♡

“So, um,” Tooru begins, head in his hands. They’re back at school now, and he’s in Kuroo’s room, where he so often ends up now. “I’m just - remember how, like, you asked me for advice on how to propose to Kenma-chan a little while ago? And then you proposed to him and it was all great and you’re getting married after the year ends, which is cool.”

“Right,” Kuroo says. “I definitely remember that.”

“How did you know?” he asks. “Like, that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, specifically?” He doesn’t even know why he’s freaking out about this. Of course he’d want to know Hajime for the rest of his life; he’s known Hajime for all of his life so far. ( _But romantically,_ a tiny voice in the back of his head whispers. _Romantically, it’s different, dumbass._ The voice sounds oddly like Hajime, but a twisted, mean version that likes to call him out all the time. He hates it.)

“Oh,” Kuroo says. He grins. “Interesting inquiry. Is there anything on your mind?”

“Just answer the question,” Tooru says. Kuroo snickers.

“I don’t know,” he says after a moment, face going serious. “I just was thinking about my future one day, and I realized that in every possibility I could dream of, he was there. He was always - he was always there.” He looks up. “It makes sense that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you know. Because he’s been around for that long.”

“Yeah, but it’s still,” Tooru sighs, blowing a strand of hair out of his face, “weird. I mean, for the longest time I couldn’t even think about marriage, even as, like, an abstract concept.” He pauses. “It was just so weird to me, y’know? But I guess that was because,” he can feel the blood draining from his face, “I couldn’t imagine having someone in my life more important than him, _shit_.”

“Again, I’m not sure why you’re freaking out,” Kuroo says slowly.

“Because what if he doesn’t want to - to do that? I mean, we’ve only been actually dating for like, six months.”

“Of course he wants to marry you; are you kidding? He’s disgustingly in love with you,” Kuroo scoffs. “It’s really gross to watch.”

“But we’re both so young,” Tooru says, eyes wide. “We’re only twenty-two, so like, assuming I proposed soon we’d be like, twenty-four when we got married, which is really, really young.”

“I’m getting married at twenty-three,” Kuroo replies with a shrug. “There’s no such thing as young as long as you love each other.” He pauses - closes his eyes. “Except when it’s, like, pedophilia or something. That’s different. There should be a reasonable age gap and all - ”

“I know what you mean,” Tooru interrupts. Kuroo looks relieved. “So I should… I should propose?”

“I’m not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do,” Kuroo says. “I’m just saying if you were gonna propose, you shouldn’t be hesitant about it.”

### ♡

“There’s going to be scouts at the next game,” Hajime says in a low voice as they all change. “Because it’s national finals, which is huge.”

“We’re playing against Ushiwaka,” Tooru replies. “God, I haven’t thought of him in so long.”

“I’d say Kageyama’s as strong as him now, though,” Kuroo says, thoughtfully. “He knows how to work with people well and he’s naturally gifted at this stuff, so Ushijima’s not as threatening as he was in high school. Not to mention the rest of our team is really good this year, too.” He pauses. “I think we can win.”

“Could you imagine getting on the national team?” Hajime asks wistfully. Tooru grins.

“At least two people playing at the game are going to get a ticket to tryouts,” he says. “One of those two might be one of us.”

“And if not, we all have good life plans without it, so let’s not get overly excited or upset or - any emotion,” Kuroo says. “No getting our hopes up.”

“No getting our hopes up,” Tooru and Hajime agree solemnly. The comradery reminds him of something he wishes he’d had years ago.

“But,” Tooru says, as an afterthought, “if Ushiwaka and Tobio get picked, I’m gonna jump off the nearest skyscraper after killing both of them.” Hajime whacks his arm. “ _Mean_.”

“Getting scouted isn’t even the biggest thing here,” he reminds him. “Winning is. We have to win against Ushiwaka once in our lives or I’ll die, and after this we only have one more chance.”

“Oikawa’s really rubbing off on you,” Kuroo murmurs. Hajime shoots him a glare.

“Hey,” Hajime whispers to Tooru as they exit the locker room. “Don’t overwork yourself in the next month, all right? Winning a stupid volleyball tournament isn’t worth getting seriously hurt.” Tooru tries to look convinced, but Hajime can see through it. “Also, if your knee thing comes back before the game, we’re screwed.”

“Shit,” Tooru mutters. “You’re right.”

Hajime grins. “I always am.”

### ♡

“What the hell,” Hajime says, “do you not understand about _don’t overwork yourself_?”

“I can’t mess up my knee like this,” Tooru says dully, watching a recording of Ushijima’s school playing and taking notes. “Did you know Refreshing-kun goes there, too? That’s awful; he’s amazing at keeping teams together. And he and Ushiwaka are _friends_ now.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“What - ” Hajime grabs his laptop and shuts it.

“You can’t mess up your knee by staying up until three in the morning watching recordings of Ushijima - ”

“Don’t say it like that; it makes me sound like a pervert - ”

“But you can mess up your brain,” Hajime finishes.Tooru stares at him for a few moments, openmouthed, before he begins to laugh. “What - why are you laughing? I’m trying to yell at you!”

“That’s such a stupid thing to say,” he wheezes, wiping a stray tear from his eye. God, maybe he is too tired for this. “You sound like a cheesy PSA.”

“Yeah, well,” Hajime huffs, “maybe that’s what you need. Go to sleep.”

“Why are you awake?” Tooru asks, a smile playing on his lips. “Like you said, it’s three in the morning.”

“I knew you’d be awake, so I set an alarm,” Hajime says. The nonchalance of his statement knocks the wind out of Tooru’s lungs just a little bit.

He definitely wants to marry him.

### ♡

“You’re juggling too much,” Kuroo announces, like it isn’t obvious. Tooru glares at him, taking his ramen out of the microwave. “What? You’re thinking about midterms and the final game and proposing to your boyfriend who you already know will accept - ”

“I don’t know that,” Tooru says through a mouthful of ramen. “Like, not for sure. And that’s not a crazy amount; at least I don’t have, like,” he pauses, “a son, or something.”

“You have Takeru,” Kuroo points out. “He’s kind of a son.”

“Nephews are different from sons, Tetsu-chan.”

“That’s why I said _kind of_ ,” Kuroo says, rolling his eyes. Tooru finds himself wondering why he’s friends with him. “Anyway, don’t stress yourself out, or everything’s gonna come out lower quality than it would otherwise.”

“How can a proposal come out low-quality?” Tooru asks, smiling. “I mean, as long as I don’t dress up like Link - ”

“Okay, fuck you.”

### ♡

When Tooru gets back to his hallway, people are staring at his room. He pushes past all of them - it’s his room, after all, and if it’s on fire or something then he should be the first to know - and _oh_. The word _HOMO_ is spray painted across his door in an ugly dark red, like dried blood. He pauses - bites his lip. “So high school,” he says aloud.

“This is so cruel,” a girl - Oshima, he thinks - sighs, shaking her head. “Did anyone see who did it?” Everyone stays silent. “Oikawa-san,” she says. “You should report this; I’m sure whoever did this’ll get caught eventually.”

Tooru shrugs. _Act like you’re unbothered and they’ll leave you alone._ “Obviously I’ll report it,” he says with a light laugh. “I’m not getting myself a new door.” He takes a picture and texts it to Hajime, accompanied by the caption _don’t freak out and storm over here like someone in a drama or i’ll be embarrassed pls (｡-人-｡)._

He looks up. “This isn’t a crime show,” he says, forcing himself to smile. “You guys can all leave.” The crowd disperses, leaving only Oshima remaining.

“I’m sorry,” she says, looking furious. “This is - people are really awful sometimes.”

“Well, it’s not the worst thing that could’ve happened,” he replies with a wave of his hand, “given the circumstances. I could’ve gotten beaten up; that would’ve been way worse.”

“You’re glad,” she says, looking horrified, “that you didn’t get physically beaten?”

“Optimism,” Tooru says with a gleaming smile. “It gets you places.”

“I can’t say I agree in this instance,” she replies. “Well. I should get going, but - please report this. It’s not right.”

 _Why are you so invested?_ Tooru almost asks, but he swallows the question, nodding instead. “Of course.”

### ♡

“Oh, Oshima-san?” Kuroo says when Tooru recounts the incident. “She’s that lesbian senior; I think the same thing happened to her when she was in freshman year.”

“I feel like that’s not what we should be focusing on here,” Hajime says through gritted teeth. “That’s such a fucked up thing to do.”

“It’s not the worst it could be,” Tooru says for the millionth time.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not bad,” Hajime replies, tense.

“I reported it,” Tooru shrugs, “so we should all move on.” Hajime tilts his head back - breathes for a few moments.

“Fine,” he says shortly. “Let’s move on.”

“Oh, come on, don’t get mad at me - ”

“I’m not mad,” Hajime says. He closes his eyes. “Well, no - I’m mad, just not at you. Jesus Christ, that’s just - that’s so fucked up.”

Kuroo crosses his arms and leans back. “Yeah, that is fucked up,” he agrees. “But there’s no point dwelling over it when you can’t do shit, right?”

“I’ll dwell all I want,” Hajime mutters. Tooru snickers. “What - you keep laughing at me when I’m serious.”

“I love you,” Tooru says. Hajime stares at the floor.

“I love you too, asshole,” he replies, heavily. Kuroo wrinkles his nose im mock disgust.

### ♡

“Match tomorrow,” Kuroo says to the team, for what must be the eightieth time today. “Sugawara Koushi’s coming in today with the rest of his team. I know he seems like an angel, but don’t tell him anything; he’ll use it against you.” Kageyama and Tsukishima nod in solemn agreement.

“I bet they’re saying the same thing about you on the other end,” Hajime murmurs. Tooru grins for a fleeting moment.

“Nobody thinks I’m an angel.” Hajime laughs.

“Also, if Ushiwa - uh, Ushijima insults you,” he says to the team, “don’t take it to heart. He’s kind of an asshole when he doesn’t respect you.”

“If he tells me I should’ve gone to his college,” Tooru says, glowering, “I’ll kill him.”

“Don’t kill anyone,” the captain says, looking incredibly confused. “Why are you - are these high school rivalries you’re talking about? You’re a junior; why are you still hung up on high school rivalries?”

“Old wounds cut deep,” Tooru says, sagely. The captain chooses to ignore him.

“Okay, everyone - short practice today, because you all need to relax the day before the game. Make sure your serves are excellent. I’ve noticed their first receive is always a little weak. And no killing,” he says, looking exhausted. Kageyama nudges Tsukishima.

“Reminds me of Sawamura-san,” he mutters, and Tsukishima nods.

Tooru is really good today - obviously, he’s been working his ass off despite Hajime and Kuroo’s repeated warnings. ( _I’ve been judicious,_ he allows himself. _I’ve been practicing in smaller doses than I normally would._ ) When the captain compliments his form, he lets himself preen like he would in high school. Hajime raises an eyebrow.

“National team quality,” he says with a proud smile, and he doesn’t speak again for the rest of practice.

### ♡

Sugawara is charming, kind, and almost obnoxiously adorable, as usual. “Hey!” he says upon seeing them. “You three are a package deal now?”

“I mean,” Kuroo says with a shrug, “according to everyone I know, they were always a package deal. I just got dragged into it.” Sugawara beams as Hajime and Tooru scowl.

“And you two - are you still, uh, best friends?” he asks. “I mean, I know some people - ”

“We’re dating,” Hajime says, gruffly. “If that’s what you were trying to ask. Also, we got outed to the entire college, so there’s that.” Sugawara’s lips part into an _o._

“High school men’s volleyball really did attract all the gay people,” he muses. “We should drink!”

“Match tomorrow,” Kuroo reminds him, gently.

“He knows,” Tooru whispers conspiratorially. “He’s trying to give us hangovers so we don’t play well.” Sugawara frowns, and Hajime elbows him.

“Oh - Tsukishima! Kageyama!” he calls, and he smiles apologetically at the three of them. “Sorry, I love you guys, but my kouhais - god, they hated each other when I was vice captain; how are they now?” He’s gone before Kuroo can say _surprisingly, getting along well._

“I don’t care what anyone says,” Tooru says, warily. “I’m scared of him, and I don’t trust him.”

“That’s probably smart,” Kuroo and Hajime both agree. “We should get out before Ushiwaka comes over here,” Hajime says. “Captain already said no killing.”

### ♡

“Holy shit,” Kuroo says just as the third set ends. _38-36._

“Holy shit,” he repeats. “We just won.”

It takes a moment for them to register what happened, and then his teammates are hugging and crying and their captain is on the floor, overwhelmed. “We just won!” Hajime whoops, bringing Kageyama and Tsukishima (who for once aren’t arguing) in for a hug. “We just won nationals; holy _shit_.”

Tooru hasn’t moved since the ball hit the ground, frozen in shock.

“We won,” he finally says, and his voice trembles. “We beat Ushiwaka.” Hajime kisses him. It’s salty from their tears but neither of them cares. “We won,” he repeats, like a war cry. “We fucking - we won!” He looks across the court at Ushijima, who seems more surprised than upset. Sugawara’s still smiling, but he’s crying, too.

“This is,” he says, after they all shake hands, change, and leave for a celebratory dinner, “the single best day of my life.” Their captain is still sobbing. Tooru doesn’t think victory would have felt this good while he was at Aoba Johsai.

“Well,” Hajime says with a grin, “I’m hoping that can be topped soon.”

“What does that mean?” Tooru asks. Hajime shrugs.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

### ♡

When Hajime gets an invite to the men’s national volleyball team development camp and Tooru doesn’t, he’s not as upset as he thought he would be.

“It shouldn’t be me,” Hajime says, shaking his head. “I thought it would be you or Kageyama for sure, and even then, probably not Kageyama because he’s only a freshman, so he has a lot of time to grow before he gets recruited. I shouldn’t have gotten this.”

“Of course it should be you,” Tooru replies easily, and he really believes it. “You’re the most powerful spiker on the team; you won us, like, half our points.” It’s only a slight exaggeration. “You’re the best person they could have, and now you’re going to get on the national team and I get to meet a bunch of amazing volleyball players.” He pauses. “Though you’ll be the shortest one there.”

“I’m probably not gonna make it on,” Hajime says, letting the short joke slide - probably out of pity.

“Hi, my name is Oikawa Tooru,” Tooru singsongs, smiling, “and this is my boyfriend, Iwaizumi Hajime - oh, maybe you’ve heard of him? He’s on the men’s national volleyball team. Yeah, that’s his face on all the billboards.”

“You’re so embarrassing,” Hajime complains, but he’s smiling, too.

“If you get on the billboards, promise to smile. People won’t buy sports drinks from someone who looks like he wants to kill them,” Tooru says wisely. “And don’t forget me when you’re famous.” The last part comes out less sarcastic and more choked than he means it to. _Goddamnit._

“Hey,” Hajime says quietly. “I won’t go if you don’t want me to go. I don’t care about volleyball more than you; I still could have a perfect life without it. Okay?”

“I appreciate the option,” Tooru replies, genuinely, “but I want you to try out. At least I’ll never have to play with Ushiwaka. I’d really die, then.”

“He’s not that bad - ”

“I don’t care,” Tooru says, dead serious.

### ♡

“So how are you planning to propose?” Kuroo asks.

“Iwa-chan and I are going to tour Tokyo after finals,” Tooru says. “We both agreed that on the second day we’d watch the sunset together on Toranomon; it’s perfect timing.” He notices Kuroo struggling to hold back a laugh. “What? Is that a bad idea, Link?”

“Stop bringing that up,” Kuroo mutters. “And no, it’s a great idea. You should definitely go through with it; it’s just - ” He decides against saying whatever he’s about to say. “It’s a great idea,” he finally says.

“You’re acting weird,” Tooru says, suspiciously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kuroo says, too quickly. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m just - jealous that you and Iwaizumi are both so romantically inclined. Especially Iwaizumi, I wouldn’t expect him to be that kind of person.”

“He’s honestly the more romantic out of the two of us,” Tooru replies, knowing Kuroo’s trying to distract him and not really caring as long as it gives him an opportunity to gush about Hajime. “Like on my birthday last year, he got me a Venus Flytrap - which doesn’t seem cool to most people, but it’s such an interesting plant!” He makes a mental note to grill Kuroo about the proposal later, but he knows he’ll forget.

### ♡

“This is so nice,” Tooru says absentmindedly, staring out the window. He’s feeling a little dizzy, though he can’t tell whether it’s vertigo or nerves. “Who knew sunsets were prettier when you’re looking at them from up high?”

“You know,” Hajime says, and it might be Tooru’s imagination but his voice seems shaky, “there’s about three things prettier than sunsets.

“Funny,” Tooru says, fumbling for his ring, “I thought there was only one. What are your three?”

“Cherry blossoms,” Hajime begins, “night skies, and you.” Tooru turns to one-up him - _the only thing prettier than a sunset is you, Iwa-chan_ \- but Hajime’s already on one knee, holding up a ring.

“No,” Tooru says, putting his hands over his mouth. Hajime’s face falls. “No, I mean - I mean yes, you idiot, but I was gonna - ” He pulls out his own ring, showing it to Hajime. “You ruined my plan; I had a whole speech and everything! I asked Kuroo if this was a good idea and he approved it - ”

“Did you ask Kuroo,” Hajime says in a low voice, “before or after three weeks ago?”

“Two weeks,” Tooru answers slowly. “That son of a bitch.”

“Okay,” Hajime says, closing his eyes, “um, you give your speech first and then I’ll give mine, because I proposed first. It’s only fair.” He laughs. “Of course it ended up like this; that’s the only fucking - of course.” He seems more amused than exasperated.

“Okay, uh,” Tooru gets down on his knee so he and Hajime are at eye level, “I know we’ve only been dating for about a year, but if you think about it, we’ve been almost dating for our entire lives. You’ve been my pillar through - through everything that happened in our lives, whether it was getting into college or losing to Karasuno or my weird family problems.” He looks at the ground, suddenly embarrassed. “Loving you,” he says, finally, “is as easy and necessary to me as breathing.” He looks at Hajime - tears have sprung to both of their eyes. “So really, it’s only logical to ask - will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Hajime says, wiping his eye with his sleeve. “Um - my turn now, I guess.” He coughs. “I’m not that good with words, and sometimes I get confused about my feelings, but I’ve always known one thing to be true - Oikawa Tooru, I love you. I’ve loved you since we met, I think, and I’ll love you until the day I die. From the moment I first saw you, when we were three and you were crying about killing a pillbug, I knew it was you. It was,” he pauses, “always you. So now it’s my turn to ask - will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru croaks, beaming as they slip their rings onto each others’ fingers, “you’re such a big sap.”

“Shut up,” Hajime mumbles, bright red. Tooru leans in to press a kiss to his cheek and he smiles despite himself. “When did you tell Kuroo you were planning to propose?”

“After we got back from finals first semester,” Tooru replies. “Like, right after.”

“Bastard could’ve saved me two hundred thousand yen,” Hajime mutters. “Just for that, I’ll send you the pictures of him dressing up as Link that Kenma sent me.”

“I just told you this, like, two minutes ago,” Tooru says, seriously, “but I love you so much.”

### ♡

“Tooru, you stupid brat,” Terumi snarls as Tooru picks up.

“Hi,” Tooru says simply.

“You got fucking _engaged_ , and I had to find out over Instagram? Fucking Instagram? I found out at the same time as your stupid fucking fangirls; do you know how insulting that is?” She sounds irate, but Tooru knows it’s a farce.

“Sorry, Terumi,” he says. “I posted just after it happened. I can tell you all the fun details, though, if that helps. We proposed at the same time because Kuroo’s the worst friend ever.” He hears Kuroo yell _fuck off, I’m letting you stay here; aren’t I?_ from the other room.

“Oh, Kuroo,” Terumi says, mellowing suddenly. “He was the one with the weird hair, right? The one Takeru likes so much.” Tooru hums in assent, explaining everything that happened and feeling like he’s going to cry from happiness again.

“That’s so cute,” Terumi says once he’s done. She sounds longing. “Are you planning to tell Mom? Obviously, I’d respect either option, but - ”

“I don’t know,” Tooru says honestly, curling up into a ball and resting his chin on his knees. “I know she’d hate it and she’d say something really, really mean that would make me upset for the rest of the day, but she still - before I came out, she was a good mom.” He closes his eyes. “I still love her.”

“I can tell her for you, if you want,” Terumi offers. “Then I can filter the mean stuff and just tell you facts.”

“You’re a really good sister,” Tooru says with a small smile.

“You’re much nicer when you’re engaged,” Terumi replies.

“Maybe I’m growing up.”

“Unrealistic,” Terumi replies, and Tooru laughs. “Congratulations, though. I have to go; Takeru’s complaining about some girl in his class - oh, I’ll tell Takeru! He’ll probably cry too.” Before Tooru can respond with _don’t make Takeru cry,_ Terumi hangs up.

“Hi,” Tooru says to himself quietly, lying down and smiling at Kuroo’s ugly orange ceiling, “my name is Oikawa Tooru, and this is my fiance, Iwaizumi Hajime.”

### ♡

Reading through the comments on his post proves to be a challenge. A lot are ridiculously, overwhelmingly supportive - one in particular he gets from Tanaka, the ex-Karasuno student, saying _wait, ur gay???? and u still took all those girls from us???? thats just cruel????_ makes Tooru smile. An equal amount are rude and homophobic, and a few people have even blocked him.

“Are you looking at Instagram again?” Hajime asks, wrapping his arms around Tooru’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. “That’s so annoying; don’t worry about people leaving mean comments.”

“You should get one,” Tooru replies, though he sets the phone down. “And I’m not worried. I was just looking at the nice ones.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Hajime says. “We’re getting married. You’re not allowed to lie to me anymore.”

“We’re getting married,” Tooru repeats, feeling the words curl around his tongue. He smiles. “I wasn’t lying, mostly. I was looking at the nice comments; it’s just - bad ones slipped in. My vision isn’t infallible. Also, Takeru says hi and that he loves you. I told him about your elite training camp thing, and he said,” he winces, “ _wow, Iwa-san’s so cool; why is he marrying you?_ ”

“That’s a fair question,” Hajime hums, and Tooru scowls.

“From the moment I first saw you,” he quotes, closing his eyes, “I knew it was you.”

“Are you going to use that against me for the rest of our lives?”

 _The rest of our lives,_ Tooru thinks, a thrum of glee running through his spine. “Probably,” he says aloud. Hajime scoffs.

“You’re such a brat,” he mutters.

“I’m _your_ brat,” Tooru says, and Hajime doesn’t argue.

### ♡

Kuroo and Kenma’s wedding is about as strange as Tooru had expected.

Bokuto’s Kuroo’s best man ( _I knew if I chose you,_ Kuroo had explained earlier, _you’d complain about responsibilities and spending too much time away from Iwaizumi,_ and Tooru hadn’t been able to think of a witty reply in time), and he spends five minutes talking about _bros before hos_ and then _not that Kenma’s a ho, he’s a bro_ , before concluding that _I guess we’re all bros, so it’s okay if some come before others._

Kuroo’s family is conspicuously absent, and Tooru realizes what he meant a year ago when he said he had experience dealing with homophobic parents. “Did you know?” he asks Hajime, quietly. Hajime shakes his head.

The wedding isn’t recognized by the state, so it’s officiated by a stumbling, definitely non-official Daichi, who’s beaming. “So uh,” he admits sheepishly as he stands above Kuroo and Kenma, who are both glowing, “I don’t really - have much experience with weddings, so - um, deliver your vows, I think.”

Tooru’s tuned out for most of their vows, mostly paying attention to the way Kuroo and Kenma stare at each other, like they’re the only objects in either of their orbits. He wonders if he looks at Hajime the same way. “Jesus Christ,” Daichi says, wiping his eye by the end of Kuroo’s, “you’re both so fucking gross; just - just kiss or whatever.”

Kuroo leans down and squishes Kenma’s cheeks and they’re both giggling while they kiss, Kenma leaning backwards because of Kuroo’s force. It’s not perfect in the least but none of this is, and somehow that makes it more beautiful. 

“I’ve been to six weddings in my life,” Hajime comments at the reception, a little absentmindedly, “but none of them have been the same as this one, I think.”

“There’s no white gown,” Tooru points out with a crooked half-grin, the kind he saves only for teasing his fiance (his fiance!).

“No, it’s like - I don’t know,” Hajime says. They look over at Kenma and Kuroo, who are dancing poorly to some 2007 pop song Tooru forgot the lyrics to.

“I know what you mean,” Tooru replies. Hajime smiles softly.

“You always do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH okay so this is four chapters now but the last chapter is gonna be a short epilogue (probably only abt 1-2k words!!) dont worry!!
> 
> contact me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ojkawatooru)!!
> 
> also, i wrote a [kagehina fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013931) that's significantly more lighthearted if you want to check it out ;)
> 
> quick question : what hp houses do you think the hq kids would get sorted into :0 im not asking for any specific reason haha,, it's not like i wanna write a hogwarts au fic hahaha,,,
> 
> if you liked this, maybe leave a kudos or a comment? i reply to everyone!
> 
> as always, thank you for reading and i hope you have a lovely day ♡


	4. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “After this,” he says, and he pauses for dramatic effect, “we’ll both be Iwa-chan.” Hajime tries his best to scowl, but Tooru recognizes the slight upward turn of his lips.
> 
> “You’re not changing your last name, and you haven’t called me that nickname in a year,” he says. “I thought we both agreed we could let it rest.”
> 
> “I called you that nickname for twenty years before that, though,” Tooru says with a smile. “It deserves to be mentioned every now and then.”
> 
> “So annoying,” Hajime mutters, still looking at the GPS as if it’s deeply wronged him. “You’re lucky I’m in love with you.” Tooru laughs.

_–_ _two years later._

“Hey,” Tooru says, poking Hajime. “You know what I just realized?”

“Don’t say anything stupid while I’m driving, Tooru,” Hajime warns, staring at the directions to the venue like they’re written in a foreign language. “If we crash on our wedding day I’ll kill you.” Tooru sticks out his tongue.

“After this,” he says, and he pauses for dramatic effect, “we’ll both be Iwa-chan.” Hajime tries his best to scowl, but Tooru recognizes the slight upward turn of his lips.

“You’re not changing your last name, and you haven’t called me that nickname in a year,” he says. “I thought we both agreed we could let it rest.”

“I called you that nickname for twenty years before that, though,” Tooru says with a smile. “It deserves to be mentioned every now and then.”

“So annoying,” Hajime mutters, still looking at the GPS as if it’s deeply wronged him. “You’re lucky I’m in love with you.” Tooru laughs.

“I can’t believe I’m marrying someone who still doesn’t know how to turn voice controls on,” he says, switching the button on the GPS so that they can get verbal directions. “We’ve been over this a million times, Hajime; you just need to go to settings and click _voice_.”

“Yeah, well,” Hajime splutters, the tips of his ears turning red, “I can’t do that while I’m driving, can I?” The GPS tells him to turn left, so he does.

“Takeru’s really excited,” Tooru says, tapping his fingers against the dashboard. “He won’t admit it because now he’s going into a mean teenager phase, but he really wants to see us get married, apparently.”

“He’s only thirteen,” Hajime replies.

“That’s when everyone gets mean,” Tooru reminds him, and Hajime hums in assent.

When they arrive, Matsukawa and Hanamaki tug Hajime to a different room, yelling something about how _the grooms have to be separate for at least a little of the wedding; it’s not fuckin’ proper otherwise._ Kuroo snickers.

“Your high school friends are a riot,” he says. “I can’t believe you waited so long to introduce me.” Tooru fixes him with a dead-eyed glare.

“I knew you’d conspire against me if I did,” he replies. Kuroo shrugs and looks at his watch.

“Okay, so you guys are the last ones at your own wedding. I’d pretend to be surprised, but I know Iwaizumi’s relationship with your GPS. Everyone’s already seated, so now we all get to give speeches and then you kiss and stuff and then we can eat. It’ll be a blast.”

“I know how a wedding works,” Tooru says. “I literally went to yours. We’ve been planning this for months.” Kuroo flashes a grin.

“I wasn’t sure,” he says. “Do you have cute vows or should we use the default like, till death do you part and all that – ”

“Of course we have cute vows,” Tooru interrupts, affronted. “Who do you think we are?”

“I was just confirming everything,” Kuroo replies, shifting his weight onto his right leg. “Sit down; we all need to embarrass you now.”

“You can’t embarrass me more than you have just by being my friend,” Tooru says drily, “but fine.”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki are their best men (partially because they’ve dealt with Tooru and Iwaizumi’s antics for longer than anyone else, even when they were dysfunctional high schoolers, and partially because Tooru’s still being petty about not being the best man at Kuroo’s wedding), and they make sure to mention it at least four times through their speeches. “As Oikawa’s best man,” Hanamaki says about two minutes in, pointing at Kuroo mock threateningly, “I hold the title of best friend, at least for today.” Matsukawa looks at him, mock offended. “I can have two best friends,” Hanamaki sighs.

“My future son-in-law’s an astrophysicist,” Hajime’s mother croons during her speech, leaning over and pinching Tooru’s cheeks. Hajime snickers until she turns her eyes upon him. “It’s a good thing, too, because Hajime needs a smart person to help him out sometimes.”

“Your son’s a professional volleyball player,” Tooru reminds her, gently. “That’s pretty cool too.” Hajime squeezes his hand under the table, and they both grin. “I mean, not as cool as being able to examine the stars for a living, but it’s okay, I guess.”

“It also means concussions, though,” Tsukishima points out, unnecessarily tapping his spoon against his cup to draw their attention. “So maybe he does need someone smart. After awhile, the brain might stop recovering.” Hajime whips his head around to glare, and Tsukishima just smiles innocently.

“Oji isn’t that smart, either,” Takeru says wisely. “We shouldn’t be counting on him.” Terumi laughs.

“It’s our _wedding,_ ” Tooru snaps, unable to keep off a grin of his own. “You’re supposed to be nice to us today.”

“It’s your wedding,” Kuroo agrees. “So we should stay true to your relationship with everyone, including us.”

“That,” Hajime says, “is legitimately the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Hajime,” his mother reprimands. “Language.”

“Mom, I’m _twenty-five years old_ \- ”

“There are children here,” Matsukawa agrees, gesturing towards Terumi and Takeru, and Hajime glares.

“I’ve heard Takeru swear more than you ever have,” he snaps, and Takeru shrugs as Terumi gasps.

Kyoutani’s the officiant, and he didn’t even bother to get ordained online, but none of this is official in the eyes of the government anyway, so they all decide it doesn’t really matter. “Okay, so,” he says, “I’m pretty sure this is where you’re gonna like, get romantic and shit, so do that, I guess.”

“Thanks, Mad Dog-Chan,” Tooru says with a charming smile. Kyoutani rolls his eyes.

“Oikawa Tooru,” Hajime begins, and everyone hushes, “I’ve been in love with you since I met you. Maybe even longer, I don’t know.” He glances at the floor - back at Tooru. “I’ve never been good at writing or coming up with flowery speeches to win people over like you are, but I tried my best. I promise,” he says, grasping Tooru’s hands, “that I’ll always treat you as my equal and my counterpart. I promise I’ll stay up late with you when you want to talk about smart star stuff I don’t understand, and I promise I’ll help you try to cook even when you almost burn our kitchen down. I promise I’ll always be there for you.” He reaches up - swipes a lock of hair out of Tooru’s eyes. “I promise you my unconditional love.”

“It’s your turn now,” Kyoutani says blandly to Tooru after a moment of silence passes, but a slight tremble in his voice gives him away.

“Yeah, Mad Dog-chan,” Tooru sighs, “I know.” He turns back to Hajime, who looks a little embarrassed. “Mine’s a little cliche,” he says, “and not as cute as anything you do.” He clears his throat. “Most of the stuff that we’re made of comes from dead or dying galaxies in space, which means we have material in us that’s billions of years old. Dead stars live on in human bodies.” He notices Matsukawa and Hanamaki staring at him with identical confused expressions, and he shoots them a glare. “This part isn’t science,” he continues with a small smile, “but I think people are drawn to each other because the stuff they’re made of came from the same place. I think I’ve loved you for even longer than I’ve lived because maybe we came from the same star.” He coughs. “And I vow to love you - my best friend, my starmate, my husband,” he glows while saying the words, “for as long as we live. Even if you still don’t know how to work a GPS.”

“It’s not my fault the buttons are small,” Hajime replies, smiling as he leans in. When they kiss, it feels like a victory, though for whom, Tooru’s not sure. He looks out upon all his friends (his family, he thinks, not bothering to reprimand himself for how cheesy it sounds), and he sighs.

 _I’m allowed to be happy,_ he thinks, and it sounds more like a fact than a reassurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ [twt](https://twitter.com/hcjime) // [tumblr](https://kcrasuno.tumblr.com/) ]
> 
> and that's a wrap, folks!
> 
> this is my first completed multichap EVER which is a huge accomplishment for me ^^;; so that's good!! this fic has been.. tbh v therapeutic for me in terms of coming to terms with my experiences n how things can get better (which they can and do!!), and i hope you guys enjoyed it as well!!
> 
> if you want a far lighter n more fun fic, i wrote an [iwaoi pizza delivery au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344913) that i liked writing n it seems other people liked reading haha ^^;
> 
> if you liked this, maybe leave a comment or a kudos? i reply to everyone because i love talking to you !!
> 
> thank you guys for reading through this almost 30k monster wow.. (that's really not much gnjsdfn but it seems like a lot to me !!), and thank you for being so encouraging n kind throughout all of this! for the last time on this fic (Wow), i hope you have a lovely day ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> haha i guess i decided today was a heavy angst day oops;;
> 
> poor oikawa.. living in a homophobic family definitely does not do people favors when coming to terms with their own sexuality (obviously, but also i'm speaking from experience here D:)
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked this! if you did, please leave a comment or a kudos; i love talking to everyone you guys always make me really happy ^^!!
> 
> thank you so much for reading ♡


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